Forcing Sperm Donors to Pay Child Support Is All Kinds of Wrong

by Sasha Brown-Worsham March 8, 2012 at 12:32 PM

The child support system in the United States is a mess. Too many states follow formulas that don't serve the needs of individual families and leave many non-custodial parents feeling stripped of their rights while many custodial parents feel they are forced to wait and wait through bureaucratic processes before receiving their money. There are some single parents who are happy with the way child support works, but they are hard to come by.

Chukwudera B. Okoli is a man in Massachusetts (I hesitate to even call him a "father") who has every right to hate the system right now. Currently, he's being forced to pay child support to the children born via IVF to Blessing Okoli, his former wife.

The story is so unfair, it will make you want to scream. But the issues it raises are even more troubling. Are sperm donors fathers now?

Even in the case of an anonymous sperm donor, the child support may be in the best interest of the children. After all, children need the support of two parents. But morally it's wrong. Isn't a man a person, too? Don't they have rights? What kind of mother purposely creates and gives birth to a child (or children) she can't afford and then changes her mind about an agreement?

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Sasha Brown-Worsham

can't decide whether she is a mother, writer, or runner, but is usually all three at some point each day. She has written for dozens of print magazines, newspapers, and websites. She rarely ever writes on bathroom walls.

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Comments 59

MNGirl18

April 30, 2012 at 2:54 PM

I am a single 40 year old woman who plans to use at home artificial insemination to conceive. I am currently in the process of raising the $1000-$1400 legal fees to have a lawyer draft a contract that is in compliance with my state's laws regarding AI to protect not only myself, but the donor, releasing him from legal rights and responsibilities towards any offspring conceived.

The donation is an amazing gift, without which she would not have been able to become a mom. To turn around and expect him to pay child support after accepting that gift from him is the height of selfishness. I am disgusted by her actions.

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Facebook comment from Sharlyn Salazar-Remrey

May 3, 2012 at 2:03 PM

Yup that is totally wrong to make sperm donors pay child support if the intended purpose is they are raised by a couple who intend on acting as if they are their children born biologically to them. Same rights and laws should apply.

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Nonmember comment from cANDI

May 9, 2012 at 5:29 PM

WHEN A MARRIED WOMAN USES IVF VIA AN ANONYMOUS DONOR HER AND HER HUSBAND BOTH HAVE TO JUMP THROUGH HOOPS, ATTEND COUNSELING, AND THE LEGAL RAMIFICATIONS ARE EXPLAINED IN DETAIL.. IF THE HUSBAND IS UNWILLING TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THE CHILD OR CHILDREN BORN UNDER THIS ARRANGEMENT ARE VERY LEGALLY HIS JUST AS MUCH AS IF THEY HAD COME BY NATURAL MEANS THEN THE DOCTOR WILL NOT PERFORM THE PROCEDURE AS LONG AS THEY ARE STILL MARRIED UNLESS THE COUPLE ENTER A LEGAL ARRANGEMENT RELEASING HIM FROM LEGAL LIABILITIES AND EVEN THEN IT WOULD BE UNLIKELY. IF THEY WERE MARRIED THEN HE KNEW THAT THE CHILDREN BORN WOULD BE HIS RESPONSIBILITY IF THE MARRIAGE ENDED. IF HE WAS NOT OK WITH THAT HE SHOULD NOT HAVE SIGNED THE ENORMOUS NUMBER OF LEGAL DOCUMENTS THE CLINIC ASSUREDLY HAD HIM SIGN BEFORE HIS WIFE UNDERWENT ANY PROCEDURES.

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Facebook comment from Kandi Sue Vincent

May 11, 2012 at 2:21 PM

Those comments stating all sperm donors SHOULD pay strike me as WTF.... really, some families use donated sperm to go through IVF because the spouses sperm is not 'swimming' enough, or between a female couple who want to have a child.. should those donors pay? NO.. if this lady used her ex's sperm after they had divorced it is all on her, not on him, even if he willing let her use the donation because SHE wanted a child.

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Facebook comment from Virginia Derickson

May 21, 2012 at 5:06 PM

Women want to use abortion as birth control and not give the unborn child they don't want to the father. Father's have no say in if a woman has an abortion or keeps the baby but you woman want them to pay that support if you decide to keep it. I think that if a woman wants to have an abortion that the father has to sign for her to abort the child as well. She should have to give birth to the child and hand it over to the father and they can pay support if they don't want to raise it. You even out that playing field and you might find there are a lot more woman being careful about getting pregnant.

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Nonmember comment from Emme

May 30, 2012 at 2:56 PM

Obviously there's more to this story but it's very odd that the she became pregnant after they were done as a couple. Did they already have his sperm stored somewhere so that they may have a child later or did she ask him to be a sperm donor after they were divorced? If it was the second scenario I have no idea what he was thinking donating sperm to his ex but that technically still wouldn't make him a father. If it was the first one then she shouldn't have been able to use it unless he agreed to it and still he wouldn't be a father. You can't get pregnant "on your own" and then expect him to pay up. That's not right and it's not fair. If they didn't decide to have a child together and he just agreed to let her use his sperm, even if it's absolutely crazy of him, she was choosing to do it on her own and with prior knowledge of him not being involved in having and raising a child. She really screwed him over.

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Nonmember comment from Abby

June 1, 2012 at 12:59 AM

There is a difference between donating sperm and fathering a child. Some woman want to be single parents,their huband doesn't have strong sperm or are same sex couples. They need help. Why should they be denied having children while welfare moms pop them out one after another them put the burden on the state? When someone donates sperm they don't anticipate being financially responsible and give up parental. It is ridiculous to say that a donor should have to pay child support or that people should stop donating eggs and sperm. the4mutts is ignorant. Yes, people should look more into the legalities of it but there shouldn't be repercussions because of it.

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Facebook comment from Candi Lynn Walkowski

June 14, 2012 at 12:07 AM

If they were divorced before she used the sperm, why is he paying child support? He should have had right charge her for entrapment.

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Nonmember comment from Sarah

July 4, 2012 at 10:47 AM

A father and sperm donor are two MAJORLY different things! The child has no legal, financial, social or moral rights over their donor! But a father needs to pay child support no matter what if you and your wife were in agreement with this then oh well you signed on board!

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