Waiting 6 Weeks to Have Sex Post-Baby Is Too Long for Dad Says 'Expert'

Rant 68

couple in heartWhether to wait six weeks after baby to have sex or not is one of the biggest concerns a new mom has -- or perhaps it's more of a concern for the new dad. Lots of transitioning going on after baby comes, particularly if it's the first baby. Two people become parents for the first time, emotions are high, there is another little being in their lives -- they want to know how this will affect their sex life. And when can they start having sex again?

It very well may change your sex life for a little while. And that's okay. But Gina Ford, a former maternity nurse and parenting writer, says that new moms should have sex soon after giving birth even if they don't feel ready. Meaning if new dad wants to get it on, ladies, you should just do it to make him happy.

I find this ridiculous. There isn't a one-size fits all answer to when a woman should get frisky with her husband again -- it depends on when she is ready -- and I mean if she is ready emotionally and mentally, as well as physically. Besides, how unsexy is it to be constantly looking at the calendar waiting for that standard six week clearance? What if dad was like: Ooh! Baby's here! That means in six weeks we can do it again! (Six weeks later) Poke poke poke. Hey honey, have sex with me now even though your vagina is like the Sahara and you didn't sleep at all since baby had gas, but I have needs too, so drop your pants!

I think I'd make my man eat poopy diaper if he was like that.

Ford, however, thinks new moms should suck it up. She's very respected and regarded by many particularly in Britain where she is from. And if you wanted to know a little more about her ... she doesn't have any children though has cared for many in her career, and her parenting suggestions have also been contested as she believes in child training methods that many do not approve of. Daily Mail reports that she says "women should show sexual interest in their man four to six weeks after having a baby" in her new book The Contented Mother’s Guide, which was written to keep mama and papa happy with their sex life after baby arrives. She says to moms about sex: "sometimes you may just have to grin and bear it."

Doesn't sound very sexy, does it?

Sex certainly is important, but sex right after having a baby isn't vital. In fact saying that a woman should submit to having sex when she doesn't want to or isn't ready to is setting her up to hate sex -- even to resent her husband. If you do something you don't want to do, it could make you start dreading it. This could set your sex life up for failure.

I get the whole "a man has needs" thing, but a man's needs should never come at the expense of a woman's. If all a man is thinking about soon after his baby is born is when he's going to stick his salami in the oven again then there may be a bigger issue here.

Is he jealous of the attention baby is getting? Is he having a hard time not being the only one his wife is cooing over? If this is the case, a disinterested sexual partner won't help matters either. Really, I can't believe a woman is suggesting that another woman should feel obligated to lay there so her partner can get off. We women have far too many sexual issues because we want to please our man (faking orgasm is a big one) and this does not need to be added to the list.

Penetration isn't everything -- men need to learn that. Getting off isn't everything either, guys. I encourage all new dads to respect their wives if they aren't ready to have sex at four or even six weeks (or even longer) after baby. Instead find creative ways to be intimate. Cuddle together, massage each other, kiss, hold hands -- do little things to stay connected physically and emotionally as a couple. That I encourage immediately after baby is born. And if that isn't enough ... I know most men know how to get off alone. Mostly, new parents need to talk to each other -- openly communicate about their needs, including sexual needs, and find a happy medium.

Some women can and want to and should have sex soon after baby. Like I said before, it depends on the woman. Which is why no one person should tell you when to get it on -- and no one should ever tell you to just grin and bear it. You should get it on when YOU are ready.

What do you think of Ford's advice that women should just have sex with their man four weeks after baby even if they don't want to?


Image via Lomo-Cam/Flickr

postpartum recovery, time for mom, sex


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lin48 lin48

She's a twit.  

Kwiat2 Kwiat2

Ew really? I couldn't freaking walk, let alone have sex for a month after. Shut up. Not to mention breastfeeding can dry you up down there, which is painful enough. Yeah my husband was ancy, but I waited a year for him as he was deployed without getting any, the dude can freaking wait six weeks!

Jespren Jespren

I think the advice as given is poor at best, but there is a grain of truth in it. Sex is important to a marriage and sometimes, especially when baby (not just new baby but kids in general) is making life complecated, sex has to be a choosen activity not a want or a physically spontaneous act. But saying women should 'grin and bear it' is a long way from saying that sometimes sex is a necessity wether you feel amorus or not. (And furthermore, a lot of moms aren't physically healed enough for sex 4-6 weeks after a difficult birth!)

Erika... ErikaRobin

New daddies usually are equipped with two hands for this very purpose.  And I'm fairly certain that satisfying themselves wouldn't even require the use of both of them. 

RanaA... RanaAurora

Thanks Michele. You know I was pissed about this. It's important to try to be intimate and maintain non-parent-based closeness, but "suck it up, grin and bear it" is a HORRIBLE thing to say.

Kate Tietje

Women should make time for INTIMACY but not necessarily sex, yes.  Cuddling, kissing, even just talking together are extremely important.  Even if you're tired...make the time to have a conversation with your husband.  You'll feel better for it, trust me.  Connect with him.  That part of it is SO important (I've had three babies).

As for when to resume sex...whenever you feel like it.  If you had a great birth and feel healed and want to jump on it two or three weeks postpartum...enjoy!  If it takes you a full year to feel up to it...just make sure you keep up that connection in other ways. :)

Mommy... MommyMeggyG

Wonder if she'll still be saying this if she ever gives birth...

nonmember avatar Kay

I gave birth about 3 and a half weeks ago and I feel up to giving birth but won't because there's still some bleeding which says to me that I'm still healing and the risk of infection is high. I wish I could though...... the things I'm doing for my husband in lieu of actual intercourse is exhausting!

Eques... EquestrianMom

Yeah, my husband was hoping they'd throw ina couple stitches to tighten that baby up after my son, and counted down the 4 wks til we could again. Did I feel like it? Nope. Did he want to be intimate in any way that didn't involve shoving his sausage in my still stitched and swollen woman parts? Nope. I lay there and grinned and took it, and somehow resisited the urge to castrate him immediatly afterwards (and it was close, let me tell ya!) bad advice. 

 Do it when you are ready, he can wait. Give him some lotion and let him visit pamale handerson for a while! 

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