A Letter to My Old Friend Sleep

bedDear Sleep,

Hello there, old friend -- I miss the hell out of you. Since I had the babies, things just haven't been the same between us and ... yes, yes, I knew this was going to happen, but still, I guess I hoped that it would be different for us. I mean, we're Sleep and Jenny, Jenny and Sleep -- there hasn't been a better pair since PB and J. So, I thought maybe we'd beat the odds. But, alas, you and me? We're never going to be what we were.

I know what you're going to say. Yes, I realize that our relationship is so much better than it was a few months ago. But, call me selfish or greedy, I want more, I do. I want like 7 or 8 uninterrupted hours of your time. I want you to be there for me at 4 a.m. when my baby's, "Help, I'm trapped on my tummy!" wails leave me wired and unable to drift back into your comforting arms. Why, oh why, can't things be like they used to be?


I'm going to be honest with you: I often dream of spending a long weekend alone together, just you and me, all cozy in a fancy hotel room. Oh, who am I kidding? At this point, I'd settle for a few hours in a motel ... I'll bring my own sheets. That's the thing I always loved about our relationship -- it was so simple, uncomplicated, drama-free. But now, it's all unreliable and inconsistent and even stressful at times.

And, I've got to be honest: I think you're getting in the way of my marriage. First of all, I'm jealous of what you and my husband still have. When I hear a baby babbling in the middle of the night, I'll look over and see you and my hubby, all blissful and dreamy, and think, "Damn you with your Daddy-hearing!" Or, in the early morning, when I'm dragging myself out of bed to go get the babies, and I see the two of you all snuggled up, snoozing away, I can't help but be resentful. Really though, I think it's just that I wish I could crawl back into bed and join you.

You also have pretty crappy timing these days, I must say. Oh no, when it's 3 a.m., you're nowhere to be found. But, at 8:30, just when my hubby and I have finally settled in to watch one of our favorite shows, that's when you decide to stop by? So, instead of getting some good quality time in with my husband, I'm passed out under a blanket. And then my husband innocently asks, "Why are you so tired?" and I snap at him, something about how I wake up every hour because even our dog's high-pitched snore often sounds like a baby in distress. Thanks for that, Sleep, thanks.

I know that I need to do a better job of making time for you too, I know. And I have thought about it. When the babies are napping, I think it would be a good time to reconnect. Only, inevitably, something more important comes up, like, laundry or eating lunch or ... Bethenny on my DVR. And then, before you know it, one of my little guys is up and the moment has passed.

I think, maybe, you deserve to be with someone younger, someone free of responsibilities. I'm not saying that she would appreciate you more, because God knows, I really, really, really do value you, now more than ever! But, I think maybe some pretty young thing might have more time for you. Just remember, she will never, ever love you like I do ... until she has a couple of kids of her own.

Anyway, Sleep, it was nice while it lasted. Don't worry -- this isn't the end. I imagine in about, oh, 18 years, we'll start seeing a lot more of each other. For now though, I think I need to just accept things how they are. Sigh. I guess you never really know what you had until it's gone.

Do you ever fantasize about getting even one night of deep sleep?

Image via comedy_nose/Flickr

Read More >