stephen colbertI love pretty much everything Stephen Colbert does, so naturally I think the way he handled rumors about his 91-year-old mother's ill health on his return to The Colbert Report was right on the money. Balancing perfectly between funny late-night talk show host and heartwarming-ly devoted son, Colbert quipped:

"Evidently, having 11 children makes you tough as nails. Confidential to a lovely lady," then raised his hand in salute.

If you're like me, your first reaction was something along the lines of "Awww, that's so sweet," followed closely by "Wow, I didn't know Stephen Colbert was one of 11 children," followed even more closely by "OMG, how did that woman make it to the age of 91 after having 11 babies?!?!"

And I'm not even talking about going through the agony of labor and delivery 11 times. I'm talking about taking care of 11 babies. Do you realize what that means?

Let me break it down for you: I've only had two babies, and I already feel like I've changed roughly 8 kajillion diapers in my lifetime. Can you imagine how Lorna Colbert must have felt?

Apparently the average baby goes through approximately 3,120 diapers in the first year of life. Okay, let's see ... 3,120 multiplied by 11 ... 34,320 diapers?!?!?

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I suppose that would make a gal "tough as nails." Let's do some more math!

The average mom loses about 1,440 hours of sleep during a baby's first year: 1,440 multiplied by 11 ... 15,840 hours of sleep!

The average mom fills about 2,460 bottles before her baby's first birthday: 2,460 multiplied by 11 ... 27,060 bottles!

Wow. I'm flabbergasted, personally. No wonder Stephen Colbert turned out to be such an awesome guy -- his mom is clearly a rock star. And we've only covered diapers, sleep, and bottles here. Factor in laundry, time spent trying to calm a screaming baby, burping, and lord knows what else and you've got ... well, a whole lotta hard work. 

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