Oy. If you became a mother any other way than having a live human man directly impregnate you without any medical intervention, you're going to feel a tad bit irritated when I tell you what someone is saying about you. One writer believes your children are going to suffer. Because only hetero sex (does it also have to be missionary style?) resulting in a live birth will give you well-adjusted kids, according to Elizabeth Marquardt. None of this new-fangled science stuff if you don't want your kids waking up some day and demanding to know their sperm or egg donor.
Because apparently, if you use a surrogate, or donor eggs, or made use of any type of donor in the process, your child is going to grow up and miss his "real" mother. Now you're really pissed, huh?
Based on her study of children conceived through sperm donation, Marquardt makes the argument that children struggle with a parental loss when they don't know their biological father, and this can lead to depression, delinquency, and addiction. She assumes the same with donor eggs, or surrogate moms.
Do you know what else leads to depression, addiction, and delinquency? Divorced parents. Bad parents. Unavailable parents, who still were able to be around long enough to produce an egg and sperm. Also, genetics, trauma, temporary situations of stress, poverty, and more! I can't imagine that the act of fertilization through non-traditional methods has an impact on a child's mental health anywhere close to the negative impact of these other factors.
More from The Stir: The Emotional Side of Egg Donation
Marquardt seems to think children who are born using intervention, where another woman's eggs or body is involved, will always long for this "missing mother." If you've got a real live, in-the-flesh mom or dad in front of you, what are you going to be missing? And to imply that a biological mother is somehow more important than the mother or father who is actually changing your diapers, reading you bedtime stories, and offering you unconditional love is absolutely ridiculous.
Will children conceived in non-traditional ways have questions? Probably. Maybe some won't care, and others will have an insatiable curiosity. Are parents capable of answering these questions? Of course. Can parents offer support if a child feels confused by his conception? They can, and they should, without being told they're setting up their child for delinquency and depression.
How you were conceived is irrelevant -- what parents do once you are outside the womb is what really matters.
Do you think children conceived through egg donation or other non-traditional methods are missing their mothers?
Image via Serge Melki/Flickr
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Comments 57
I get what Julie is trying to say but, its not like that, after I had my son I felt a way i still cant describe and I dont think I could feel that way with an adopted child, and how is it our fault that their are so many parentless kids, I wanted my baby I kept him, I didnt give him to some orphanage, its not my fault
I just think the parents (the one raising the child) mostly have their feeling hurt when a child wants to know where he or she came from. Kids just like anyone else have an urge to know about their history. I don't think its bad to know they may one day need a kidney or bone marrow.
I do not think they miss a parent ... when rasied by loving people
I think it is totally irrelevant you carry the child so what does it matter.The only thing I would worry about would be not knowing a sibling or co mingling with a relative you didn't know was.that disturbs me.
I am a mother via egg donation and my child is really okay : ) He's loved, he's wanted, he was planned, we did this purposely. My thinking is that Marquardt may be a donor conceived child and she may not be okay -- and because she's not okay this is her "cause" and okay let this be her cause.
My isse with those who have a "cause" is that they allow their passion to get in the way of the facts. The facts are that there are many many donor conceived children in the world via egg donation and sperm donation with heterosexual parents who are just fine. Who don't feel like they are missing half of their genetics. There are also many many donor conceived children via egg donation and sperm donation with single parents, or same sex parents that are fine as well.
You need to all keep in mind where Marquardt works -- and she has an agenda, a religious agenda. Any time you mix religion and science there almost always is a problem.
The bottom line is that every kid in every family may or may not have issues regardless of how they were brought into the world.
Marquardt's pieces while she may believe her position with all of her heart is really just grandstanding. She has no real data to back up any of her claims.
Do some actual research on this subject, and then write an intelligent article. It is CLEAR you have no idea what you are talking about.
Knowing your own biological identity IS a basic human right and developmental need. Your article if full of hogwash and discounts the rights and needs of human beings.
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