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Memo to Greedy Moms: Your Second Baby Doesn't Get a Shower

by Sasha Brown-Worsham on February 9, 2012 at 2:41 PM

Having one baby shower is an amazing, soul-filling experience. There is almost nothing in the world like having every single one of your closest friends bid you a fond farewell into your new lives as parents. When a person is about to become a new parents, give them five baby showers! One at work! One from each mother! One from her best friend! The first pregnancy is the perfect time for such excitement. But that's the end of it.

The new trend of moms having baby showers for their second (and even third!) pregnancies has got to stop. It's not that I think every baby doesn't deserve a welcoming party, but baby showers were really meant to usher new parents into the crazy world of mommy and daddy-hood. They are not meant to be yearly windfalls that can be cashed in every time mommy gets pregnant again.

The first time, baby showers are emotional and beautiful. By the fourth time, it gets kind of old and starts to feel like the parents-to-be are greedy.

Of course, people will say there are exceptions. And there are. A mom of one who finds herself pregnant with twins the second time around might get a diaper shower (Lord knows she will need them!) or some other kind of similar event. Even a mom who had a boy the first time and then had a girl might be inclined to have a second baby "shower." But, in general, it is not proper etiquette.

The fact is, each baby is special, so of course each baby deserves a welcoming. But that is what christenings are for. If you are Jewish, that is what the bris or the naming ceremony is for. If you have no religion, you can have a little party to welcome the new baby and people may bring gifts. But they needn't feel obligated to do so.

A shower is almost entirely about the gifts. One is supposed to "shower" the new mom and dad with presents. That generosity is wonderful. Once. But the second and third time a person is being asked to shell out it gets annoying.

If you have a friend and she is pregnant with a second baby (of the same gender or she does not know), there are ways to make the shower less tacky. Specific "themes" can often eliminate the awkwardness. For instance a "book shower" or an "art shower" or a "diaper shower" are all ways to give a mom-to-be some love, but not feel as obligated as the first time.

It seems an odd rule, but is an etiquette rule nonetheless. A baby shower, in the strictest sense, is for baby number one. Baby number two (and three and four) need something different. Anything else just seems greedy.

Do you think a baby shower for baby number two is rude?

 

 

Filed Under: time for mom

Comments

362
  • Jenni...
    -- Facebook comment from

    Jennifer Brazell Bumgardner

    February 9, 2012 at 2:46 PM

    There are lots of people who have multiple showers for multiple reasons and there is nothing wrong with it.    I have seen several people who on a shower for a second (or sometimes third) baby, request that gifts be brought to donate to a local pregnancy center.  I think the showers are less about the gifts and more about celebrating a new life coming into this world.  If you celebrated the first, shouldn't you celebrate them all?? 


  • LKRachel
    --

    LKRachel

    February 9, 2012 at 2:51 PM

    I don't see a problem with a just diapers/wipes shower for second or third children especially if there are extenuating circumstances like you mentioned.  or you can just all go out to dinner for a girls night before the new baby comes.

     but if you really want to just celebrate the child, then the parents can host a sip and see AFTER the baby is born for everyone to meet and celebrate the new life.  A shower before the birth is not about the baby it's about the Mom and she already got her party with the first child.


  • Janey...
    -- Nonmember comment from

    JaneyCakes

    February 9, 2012 at 2:51 PM
    I had multiple showers for both pregnancies. In each case it was one for family and one at work, one for my friends and sorority sisters. I only had a hand in one of the showers, my first. My husband is very proud and hated the idea of others providing for our baby, so it was more of a welcome party. The rest were all surprises. Am I greedy because I have a lot of family and friends? It's not my fault that people care.
  • sweet...
    --

    sweet.lil.mama

    February 9, 2012 at 2:51 PM
    Agreed
  • Shelly
    -- Nonmember comment from

    Shelly

    February 9, 2012 at 2:51 PM
    We have an only by choice. If we got pregnant again by some miracle, we would have nothing for a baby! We gave everything away last year. Also, my friends would insist. If people WANT to shower you with gifts...how is it greedy?
  • Zyva
    --

    Zyva

    February 9, 2012 at 2:54 PM

    I had a baby shower for my first, and my third. My third was born 7 years after my second, and a cross country move in which we gave away and donated all of our baby things, mostly to Katrina survivors. 


  • KBW2
    --

    KBW2

    February 9, 2012 at 2:58 PM
    If someone throws a shower for themselves, yes. Otherwise- no (http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/new-times-new-traditions/129-who-can-host-a-shower)

    In my moms group, we host "spinkles" instead of showers. Small gift, focus on celebrating :)
  • MIA0223
    --

    MIA0223

    February 9, 2012 at 3:05 PM

    Not rude at all. My family has always done one for each baby.
    Combined with my husbands culture of having a shower after each baby, I have 2 for each child!


  • Stacey.
    --

    Stacey.

    February 9, 2012 at 3:06 PM

    I see nothing wrong with it.  Showers are for celebrating, sounds like the author had ulterior motives at hers. Never once have I thought "Ooh, I am going to have a party so i can get lots of gifts".

    Besides, you are a hypocrite if you throw a bday bash for your kid every year.


  • ODDS
    --

    ODDS

    February 9, 2012 at 3:07 PM
    Yes! It's ridiculous. If friends and family want to give gifts for second babies, they still can do so without a shower. Being invited to a shower makes them feel obligated.
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