Memo to Greedy Moms: Your Second Baby Doesn't Get a Shower

Rant 360

Having one baby shower is an amazing, soul-filling experience. There is almost nothing in the world like having every single one of your closest friends bid you a fond farewell into your new lives as parents. When a person is about to become a new parents, give them five baby showers! One at work! One from each mother! One from her best friend! The first pregnancy is the perfect time for such excitement. But that's the end of it.

The new trend of moms having baby showers for their second (and even third!) pregnancies has got to stop. It's not that I think every baby doesn't deserve a welcoming party, but baby showers were really meant to usher new parents into the crazy world of mommy and daddy-hood. They are not meant to be yearly windfalls that can be cashed in every time mommy gets pregnant again.

The first time, baby showers are emotional and beautiful. By the fourth time, it gets kind of old and starts to feel like the parents-to-be are greedy.

Of course, people will say there are exceptions. And there are. A mom of one who finds herself pregnant with twins the second time around might get a diaper shower (Lord knows she will need them!) or some other kind of similar event. Even a mom who had a boy the first time and then had a girl might be inclined to have a second baby "shower." But, in general, it is not proper etiquette.

The fact is, each baby is special, so of course each baby deserves a welcoming. But that is what christenings are for. If you are Jewish, that is what the bris or the naming ceremony is for. If you have no religion, you can have a little party to welcome the new baby and people may bring gifts. But they needn't feel obligated to do so.

A shower is almost entirely about the gifts. One is supposed to "shower" the new mom and dad with presents. That generosity is wonderful. Once. But the second and third time a person is being asked to shell out it gets annoying.

If you have a friend and she is pregnant with a second baby (of the same gender or she does not know), there are ways to make the shower less tacky. Specific "themes" can often eliminate the awkwardness. For instance a "book shower" or an "art shower" or a "diaper shower" are all ways to give a mom-to-be some love, but not feel as obligated as the first time.

It seems an odd rule, but is an etiquette rule nonetheless. A baby shower, in the strictest sense, is for baby number one. Baby number two (and three and four) need something different. Anything else just seems greedy.

Do you think a baby shower for baby number two is rude?



time for mom


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Telep... Telephus44

I've been torn on this.  I'm expecting #2 and am not planning on a shower, since I'm in the "it's tacky" camp, but I have had relatives and friends ask about it.  I made a small registry on Target just in case, all small items.  I'll probably have some kind of party after the baby's born. 

nonmember avatar ele4phant

A baby shower replete with gifts for the second baby? Totally agree, it's tacky and selfish. Throwing a little get together, no gifts and pretty causal, to celebrate the second (or third, or fourth) addition to a family? Totally acceptable.

nonmember avatar Tina

My husband's church throws a baby shower for the first boy and the first girl. If you have a girl, you get a shower, and then you have a boy, you get another shower. If you have a girl, and then another girl, sorry, no 'nother shower. Makes perfect sense to me.

jpfsmom jpfsmom

I think it depends, my boys are 17 mos. Apart so I didn't have a shower (however my mom's group threw me a sprinkle with diapers and a double stroller) if there is a huge gap between the ages or if they are having a different gender, I think it's ok.

sweet... sweetcherry_59

@Stacey, you hit the nail on the head.

Every baby deserves to be celebrated and if you don't want to join mom in that celebration, here's a novel idea! Don't go to the damn shower.


ldbc ldbc

I am not one that even likes showers. I have to agree with you. I give a present to the people I want to give one to when they have a baby. I don't like to feel obligated to give a gift. I got a shower invite for a couple having their 4th. They already had kids of both genders. But what really irked me was that they were giving the shower themselves. What the???? I did not attend.

nonmember avatar MelMcl

There are a few situations when I think a second shower is okay. When there is a long time between kids, like 10 years and you have nothing left.
I love the idea of a meet the baby party, which is kind of like a shower. We do it in my family for people who would give you a gift to begin with (like me the great-auntie for the 5th time). But just to have another shower for more gifts, not so much.

Sierr... SierraLynn

I did not have a baby shower with my first. And would like a "shower" if this new baby is a boy. since we all girl stuff.

If we have another girl I would like a "sprinkle" for diapers and stuff and just for the fact that I didn't get the celebration the first time around. So I do not agree. I think that 2nd and 3rd and so forth showers are fine, if needed.

Every baby deserves to be celebrated. I do not need someone telling me when it is and not appropriate.

Melis... Melissa042807

I'm on baby #2 and my friends want to have what they call a "sprinkle" for me - just a small gathering where people bring little gifts for the baby, like a new blanket or cute outfit. I think it's sweet that they want to. We already have all the essentials, but the baby will have a few new things, which is nice. 

I think a full-blown baby shower for every baby is a bit much, but that's just my opinion. But there's nothing wrong with doing something nice for the parents-to-be. Stuff wears out, clothes get stained, etc. 

nonmember avatar tia

Nope, sorry, every baby gets a shower. The first is for the big stuff, the rest just little, cute fun things, clothes if it's a different gender, etc.

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