Memo to Greedy Moms: Your Second Baby Doesn't Get a Shower

Rant 360

Having one baby shower is an amazing, soul-filling experience. There is almost nothing in the world like having every single one of your closest friends bid you a fond farewell into your new lives as parents. When a person is about to become a new parents, give them five baby showers! One at work! One from each mother! One from her best friend! The first pregnancy is the perfect time for such excitement. But that's the end of it.

The new trend of moms having baby showers for their second (and even third!) pregnancies has got to stop. It's not that I think every baby doesn't deserve a welcoming party, but baby showers were really meant to usher new parents into the crazy world of mommy and daddy-hood. They are not meant to be yearly windfalls that can be cashed in every time mommy gets pregnant again.

The first time, baby showers are emotional and beautiful. By the fourth time, it gets kind of old and starts to feel like the parents-to-be are greedy.

Of course, people will say there are exceptions. And there are. A mom of one who finds herself pregnant with twins the second time around might get a diaper shower (Lord knows she will need them!) or some other kind of similar event. Even a mom who had a boy the first time and then had a girl might be inclined to have a second baby "shower." But, in general, it is not proper etiquette.

The fact is, each baby is special, so of course each baby deserves a welcoming. But that is what christenings are for. If you are Jewish, that is what the bris or the naming ceremony is for. If you have no religion, you can have a little party to welcome the new baby and people may bring gifts. But they needn't feel obligated to do so.

A shower is almost entirely about the gifts. One is supposed to "shower" the new mom and dad with presents. That generosity is wonderful. Once. But the second and third time a person is being asked to shell out it gets annoying.

If you have a friend and she is pregnant with a second baby (of the same gender or she does not know), there are ways to make the shower less tacky. Specific "themes" can often eliminate the awkwardness. For instance a "book shower" or an "art shower" or a "diaper shower" are all ways to give a mom-to-be some love, but not feel as obligated as the first time.

It seems an odd rule, but is an etiquette rule nonetheless. A baby shower, in the strictest sense, is for baby number one. Baby number two (and three and four) need something different. Anything else just seems greedy.

Do you think a baby shower for baby number two is rude?



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Aeris... AerisKate

I don't think it's rude at all.  If you are throwing a shower for yourself, well that's different, but I don't know anybody that has ever done that. Friends threw me a baby shower for both of my babies.  People like parties and people like cake.  The problem is when you think the shower is just about the gifts.  That's the wrong attitude.  If it's just about the gifts, then any party like this could be deemed "greedy." But when it's about getting together with people you love to celebrate the beauty of a new life, then it's a fun time.  Of course, people want to give gifts, so why not at least have a party and enjoy some cake? Good grief, if someone couldn't bring a gift, I wouldn't have cared! It was just so special to see all these people I love in one place at the same time (and eat cake)! We got to laugh, catch up, and tell funny stories.  Plus, the gifts are for the baby, not the parents.  I can't wear those onesies!! haha.  My sister-in-law is pregnant and I absolutely will be planning a shower for her along with our other sister-in-law.  I can't wait for it and everyone is looking forward to it as well.  We are all going to buy this baby gifts anyway, so why not get together for a fun time to celebrate this new little one and eat some cake? Can you tell I like cake? haha. 

vanes... vanessalouanne

What a bitchy article. If you dont want to go, dont go.  Dont judge the pregnant woman because someone insisted on throwing her a shower.  Whats rude is the woman who is refusing someone who wants to spoil them and and celebrate the new baby.  Ive never ever thought someone who had more then one shower was greedy or tacky.  With friends like you who needs enemies?

Loref... Lorefield

I think it's a little tacky, but then we seem to be moving far, far away from the old etiquette these days. 

Brides are having showers for their second, third, fourth marriages. They are putting registry info in the invitations even. So I guess this is not shocking.

It may be a regional thing though since so many have expressed that this is normal for them. In my experience, a shower IS very much a call for gifts and celebration. Especially gifts. New parents can use all the help they can get. After that, I really don't think they should need much as they should be more established before going for another.

For the lady who complained that if she had another, she would have nothing for it? Um. You can go buy stuff yourself, you know? If you really couldn't afford it, I would hope that would be considered before getting pregnant.

If it's normal, so be it. I would not participate, but I wouldn't get all bent up about it like the author has.

CPN322 CPN322

Wait, what?? I thought you had a shower for every child you had......isn't it about celebrating the new little life and gifts are just a bonus???

Lesli... Leslie_ABS

I agree with the author and except for extenuating circumstances or huge gaps between the kids, it's not necessary. We all have too much baby crap generally. I love the idea of a sprinkle though! A shower means gifts and you can say that you don't want gifts but people feel like heels if they don't bring one and other people do. However, a casserole shower or just a little 'sprinkle' is a celebration without the obligation.

nonmember avatar marcoda

For my second baby, my best friend (who wasn't around for the first baby) wanted to throw me a shower. How was I to deny her that? It was her godchild, afterall. I didn't ask for gift but few friends came and gave small gifts like baby boy shirts and socks and books. Nothing big. It was perfect. My sister-in-law didn't attend on the same principle laid out in this article: she didn't think people should have showers for babies after the first. While I can respect that opinion, to call the parents "greedy" is incredibly unforgiving. Why is the second, third or fourth baby any less special or deserving of a celebration?

nonmember avatar zizzler

there's not less to be celebrated with 2nd children. If you think the shower is about gifts, then there's something greedy about YOU. No one brought a single gift to the shower for our first baby...all my friends were broke and clueless-about-baby-stuff college kids. I just wanted them to meet the baby and hang out. I also never got my sister any presents for her baby shower, I just went and congratulated her!

Pamal... PamalaLauren

By the time I got pregnant the second time (totally not planned) everything for my oldest had been gifted to others, because I didn't think I'd be having another child. Of course I didn't plan my shower, nor did I put insanely big gifts on my registry. I actually bought most if not all of what I needed. But my new found friends, that I had only met after having my first wanted to throw me a shower. Probably should have told them no since it's apparently rude to do something nice for someone.

nonmember avatar zizzler

and as another person pointed out, the gifts are for THE BABY, not the parents! If my firstborn got a silver piggy bank from a shower, is #2 just shit out of luck on having an heirloom because he's not first in line and thus "greedy" for receiving gifts like his sibling?

Kwiat2 Kwiat2

If someone wants to throw it for you, then why not. But registering for items all over again I think is tacky. I'm pregnant with my second and people have been asking me about a shower and I keep telling them I don't want one, I have most of what I need. It also just doesn't feel quite as special, in a way.

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