Memo to Greedy Moms: Your Second Baby Doesn't Get a Shower

baby shower

Having one baby shower is an amazing, soul-filling experience. There is almost nothing in the world like having every single one of your closest friends bid you a fond farewell into your new lives as parents. When a person is about to become a new parents, give them five baby showers! One at work! One from each mother! One from her best friend! The first pregnancy is the perfect time for such excitement. But that's the end of it. The new trend of moms having baby showers for their second (and even third!) pregnancies has got to stop.


It's not that I think every baby doesn't deserve a welcoming party, but baby showers were really meant to usher new parents into the crazy world of mommy and daddy-hood. They are not meant to be yearly windfalls that can be cashed in every time mommy gets pregnant again.

The first time, baby showers are emotional and beautiful. By the fourth time, it gets kind of old and starts to feel like the parents-to-be are greedy.

Of course, people will say there are exceptions. And there are. A mom of one who finds herself pregnant with twins the second time around might get a diaper shower (Lord knows she will need them!) or some other kind of similar event. Even a mom who had a boy the first time and then had a girl might be inclined to have a second baby "shower." But, in general, it is not proper etiquette.

The fact is, each baby is special, so of course each baby deserves a welcoming. But that is what christenings are for. If you are Jewish, that is what the bris or the naming ceremony is for. If you have no religion, you can have a little party to welcome the new baby and people may bring gifts. But they needn't feel obligated to do so.

A shower is almost entirely about the gifts. One is supposed to "shower" the new mom and dad with presents. That generosity is wonderful. Once. But the second and third time a person is being asked to shell out it gets annoying.

If you have a friend and she is pregnant with a second baby (of the same gender or she does not know), there are ways to make the shower less tacky. Specific "themes" can often eliminate the awkwardness. For instance a "book shower" or an "art shower" or a "diaper shower" are all ways to give a mom-to-be some love, but not feel as obligated as the first time.

It seems an odd rule, but is an etiquette rule nonetheless. A baby shower, in the strictest sense, is for baby number one. Baby number two (and three and four) need something different. Anything else just seems greedy.

Read More >