Before I had kids I would hear people talk about how their child sleeps with them and I thought, Oh hell no. That will never, ever be me -- not in a gazillion billion years! My kid will sleep in a crib! Fast forward to me with kids and, well, let's just say I get it now.
My daughter sleeps with my husband and me in our Queen size bed that has proven to be way too small for the three of us. And that's mainly because one of us (the littlest one) is essentially a sleeping windmill. I am quite thankful that my son (I have 2-year-old twins) prefers the crib.
I know I'm not alone. Millions of parents are out there losing sleep and getting punched in the eye by tiny fists attached to tiny bodies that go thump in the night. And dads Andy Herald and Charlie Capen have illustrated our co-sleeping plight to perfection with these baby sleep positions.
Andy and Charlie's blog How to Be a Dad is so real, so funny, and so clever that any parent will be nodding along thinking thank goodness I'm not alone thinking the wacky stuff I think sometimes. And it's these co-sleeping bits that they created that had my husband and me giggling ever so softly as not to wake the sleeping beast in our bed.
As you can see above, H is for Hell.
The neck scarf is never the accessory you want to wear while trying to sleep. How could this be comfortable, kid?!
Stalkers are creepy. Especially miniature ones who say I luff you when you catch them.
This is a real danger of co-sleeping. The mom in this image has the better idea -- sleep with back to child. Or wear protective body gear to bed. No one is safe!
Happy sleeping, everyone. Hope you get some zzzs and not ze kick in ze throat by five little piggies.
More from The Stir:
Anti-Co-sleeping Campaign Went Too Far (PHOTOS)
9 Safe Co-Sleeping Tips to Help You Stay Out of the News
Which one is your favorite? Which illustration would you add to the mix?
Images courtesy of HowtoBeaDad.com
This Hot Dad Wants to Do Your Ironing
KStew Refuses to Shower
This Hot Dad Wants to Cook You Dinner
This Hot Dad Cooks AND Does the Dishes
Comments 87
Oh, you forgot the starfish. That's legs and arms spread out in every direction so the littlest person in the bed is taking up 90% of the space and mommy and daddy are both doing the cliffhanger.
Oh man is this not the truth! I knew I would be co-sleeping because of breastfeeding (I tried the in your own room in the crib with my first. He was a preemie, had a really super hard time latching, and I was exhausted. Enter night time sleep feeding which were AWESOME). But I never thought it would keep going or that he would come back! I finally got him out of our bed when number 2 arrived. I was way more into getting my bed back with number 2 so he only comes to bed if he wakes during the night, which is super rare for my awesome 2 year old sleeper. The 4 year old..... the windwill is his favorite! Or the toucher, he likes to rub ears to fall asleep. I get him to bed in his room but somehow, always, he makes it into our bed right against me so I can't move...
I so believe in people doing what is best for them and that cosleeping can be safe and healthy and happy and is really the natural way to do things. I also can't stand anyone to touch me while I sleep...as in I will not sleep if my husband or child is touching me. So no cosleeping for me. Maybe an arms-reach cosleeper for the next one. But also, I gotta say, my son was sleeping through the night consistently by 1 and so were all my friends' kids who weren't cosleeping, and most of the cosleeping kids I know are still keeping their parents up all night through their 2s. Makes me not so very sad that I skipped that part of AP.
I love these, my 1 year old only comes into bed with us now when she wakes up in the middle of the night (which has been every night lately since she's been teething). I have definitly had the neck scarf happen and she does the roundhouse kick to her daddy all the time. I wish she would do the stalker sometimes, she refuses to sit still though, if she can't go back to sleep she won't let me sleep either she will smack me and pull my hair and climb all over me until I just decide to get up.
ROFLMAO Oh yeah, to all of the above on the rare occasion we cosleep. I would like to add the Punching Bag- where baby is going through that punching and kicking phase and decides sleeping mommy's tummy is the perfect place to practice while he's awake, or for co-sleeping bassinet mommys, the Puppy Pillow, where you have a VERY protective little dog who thinks it's okay to sleep in the co-sleeper curled around baby. This is why I never bought a co-sleeper, because mine tried this with my baby's bassinet that was parked right by the bed. And my pup is about 30 lbs!
My parents slept comfortably together while my siblings and I slept comfortably in a crib. I'll be lucky to not deal with co-sleeping as well, haha!
I saw this on Facebook awhile back, and it made me laugh! I think I've experienced most variations on this at one point or another. It makes me feel both nostalgic and relieved that mine are all past the 'co-sleeping' age!