Dumb Things People Say to Moms of Twins

on January 20, 2012 at 7:57 PM

babies in stroller When you're out in public with twin babies, you often feel a little bit like a celebrity -- people stopping you every five seconds to get a look in the stroller, to comment on their cuteness, and ask a bunch of questions. My little guys seem to love the attention, responding to the baby talk with perfectly-timed, flirty grins, like born politicians. As I've said before, I actually don't mind it because, hello, who doesn't enjoy people loving on your kids?

Buuuut, sometimes people just say the dumbest things. I noticed when I was pregnant that my giant orb often turned strangers into mushbrains, and as I'm learning, it apparently happens around babies too...especially twins! Obviously, they're just trying to make conversation, and I get that, but still. Most comments are totally benign, many make me think, "Whaaaat?" and one in particular really pisses me off. Some examples...

"Oh, are they twins?" So, picture this: A double Snap-n-Go rolls up, two identical car seats with two IDENTICAL babies, both the same size, chilling inside. Oh, sure, the obvious question is if their twins...um, duh! Are you really asking that? What, do you think I'm lugging around someone else's matching baby? Okay, I know, I know, it's clearly just their way of starting conversation, but I often want to respond with, "Well, yes and no. The one in front is my son and the one in back is a genetically-engineered clone. Google us."

"So cute! A boy and a girl?" With little babies, it's often tough to tell if you're looking at a little boy or little girl. My friends with girl babies tell me that despite the fact that their little one is wearing a pink dress with a bow in her hair, people will say, "He's a handsome one!" So, I get that. But, my boys are identical. They're identical! And though they are super adorable, I wouldn't call them pretty or delicate. Plus, not to reinforce gender stereotypes, but they're often wearing plaid shirts and jeans, like tiny lumberjacks. And when it's cold, we put blue blankets on their legs. So, which one do you think is a girl? Again though, I think people just ask the question, without even taking a real look.

"You're so lucky -- two for the price of one!" Often, this one is followed up with, "I always wanted twins." I'm not going to lie, I think it's pretty awesome having twins. But, these are my kids, so I wouldn't have it any other way. That being said, raising twins is a lot of freaking work. And, as my friend with identicals of her own pointed out, it's not two for the price of one! You don't get two cribs for half off. You don't get your double set of diapers at a discount. You don't get to breastfeed just one and tell him to split it with his brother. No, when caring for two babies, you have to put in the time, energy and yes, money, to care for two babies at the same time. It's double the work...actually, scratch that, it's probably five times the work. It's not all cute coordinated outfits and secret twin speak and hilarious YouTube videos. Come spend the day at my house...when they're crawling...and teething...with colds.

"Do twins run in your family?" I'm never quite sure what answer people are looking for with this one. Identical twins are random, apparently having nothing to do with genetics or fertility treatments (although, I've heard varying opinions on this.) Regardless, if I say, "No," are they just going to assume I used fertility treatments? If I say, "Yes," are they going to want to hear some tale about how my aunts are twins and I have three cousins who all had twins? I usually just tell them the truth: Identical twins are totally random. Usually, it's just met with a blank stare because, let's be honest, they really didn't care anyway.

"Oh, identical twins. It's so nice to see natural twins, you know not like from fertility treatments." This one has me breathing fire! Um, excuse me, what? Believe it or not, I've heard this more than once, and it makes my skin crawl every time. First of all, these people have no idea how my babies were or were not conceived, but regardless, do IVF babies look or act or seem any different than ones conceived the old-fashioned way? Hells no! And just the idea that it somehow makes this woman's day that she's seeing "natural twins," for once? I mean, it's cukoo-bananas crazy, so I'm always sure to steer my gifts-from-God way clear of these nut jobs, so as not to get their creepy stink on my family.

Do you have twins? What doozies have you heard?

About the author Jenny Benjamin

has been sky-diving, white-water rafting, scuba diving, and has seen brown bears up-close in the Alaskan wilderness. And yet, what she finds most exciting is a DVR box packed with shows, and hours of free time to watch them.

Filed Under: twins & more

Comments (75)

Celiacelia

on Jan 20, 2012 at 8:08 PM

I think people say stupid shit like that because they don't know what else to say

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Melissa042807

on Jan 20, 2012 at 8:16 PM

I'm on my 2nd pregnancy and no twins, but people persist in insisting "What if there's two in there? Are you sure there's only one?" right up until the freaking moment I give birth. And then sometimes they keep going. "Oh you had the baby? It was just one, right?" Dude. I think you would KNOW by now if I had gotten that kind of surprise. Now make a different joke. That one's not funny any more.

LittleManMama

on Jan 20, 2012 at 8:21 PM

Couldn't IVF produce identical twins too? I will say that most people don't realize identical twins are random. You lived it so you know these things but most people don't. Also, my friend watched a baby the same age as hers and people were forever assuming if they were twins when they weren't. So just because they have matching thi

on Jan 20, 2012 at 8:24 PM

Oops. Anyway, just saying there is a reason why people ask. Yes people say dumb things but sometimes we are too hard on other people when they r just trying to be friendly.

GlowWorm889

on Jan 20, 2012 at 8:35 PM

Well, I can see the asking if they're twins thing when the kids are older. I have a sibling only a year younger than I am. It was pretty obvious we weren't twins when she was an infant and I was a toddler, but once she hit about two years old and I was three, it got harder to tell. People constantly asked my parents if we were twins, to which they'd joke that we were Irish twins and not real ones. It didn't help that we looked a lot alike. The resemblance has only gotten more alike over the years, and even as adults, people ask and assume we're twins. It happened just recently, when this older guy who works at a local coffee shop randomly came up and asked us. He admitted he'd been trying to figure out for weeks whether we were twins or just sisters before he got up the nerve to ask. XD

Nonmember comment from debra

on Jan 20, 2012 at 8:44 PM

Uggh!! I have 23 m/o identical boys and it is so funny some of the things people say to you. "Are they twins?" is the more annoying one but I do also understand (b/c I've done it myself!) that it can be hard to tell how alike or unalike little babies are, although when they are in one double snap-n-go it should be pretty stinkin obvious!! I do tell people that identical twins just happen and they always seem to want more explanation, but I don't have any! I also get a lot of "Did you know you were having twins?", is that a way to find out if I did IVF or do they think I found out in the delivery room?? If the 1st, that's rude, if the 2nd, it is the 21st century, I don't think it's a surprise anymore!! It is annoying for me just because I deal with it every time I leave the house and I do have things to do besides chat with random people, but I also like it too because it does make me and my kids feel special, so even though it can be super annoying/obtrusive/rude, it can also be really complimentary (like the person who said you just made their day) and a bit of a self-esteem boost (the mother who says "I don't know how you do it!"), it is something I'm so excited to go through and blessed to experience :)

BriLee

on Jan 20, 2012 at 8:53 PM

I agree people are just stupid. I have a 2 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. You don't know how often people ask of they are twins. Um? Ones a baby and the other is a peeschooler. One is walking next to the cart while the other is sitting in the cart with his blanket. Not to mention one is bigger and has lost his baby weight. Just stupid.

chelse07

on Jan 20, 2012 at 9:06 PM

Might as well get used to it. I don't have twins, but I am a twin. Most common question I get asked, what is it like to be a twin? To which I responded what's it like to be a single? How do I know if anything I have gone through is different than someone who doesn't have a twin? I also love the twin telepathy/pain thing. Just because we are twins doesn't mean we have super powers to know exactly what the other is thinking or if the other one is injured.

I don't get what people's fascination is but whatever I will answer questions up to a certain point.

candlelight777

on Jan 20, 2012 at 9:09 PM

When people would ask my husband if our boys were twins he would tell them no its a mirror. It made them stop for a minute. LOL!!!!

kittykatta

on Jan 20, 2012 at 9:23 PM

The biggest lesson I learned from The Stir is this: Don't show interest or small talk with single moms or mothers of twins. There's a high chance they'll be assholes.

Seriously. Whos next on the list of bitter moms that look down on others just because they're trying to have a conversation with them? Moms with pets? Amputee moms? Moms with peanut allergies? These bitter ladies are such a drag...