The second you have a baby (actually, the second you get pregnant), everyone tells you to "seize the moment." Old women whisper it in line at the market: "Oh! Enjoy every second, it goes by too fast!" Your grandmother (who you know from stories didn't "enjoy every moment") tells you that every minute when her kids were young was her favorite. And even your parents, who you remember getting mad all the time, tells you "carpe diem." It's enough to make any mom go crazy.
After all, anyone in the trenches with you who is actually an honest person will admit that not every moment is a blast. Sometimes I want to ask that older person how well they REALLY remember it because they couldn't possibly have enjoyed explosive poops, late night wake up calls, and teething. They just think they do now in retrospect.
Blogger Glennon at Momastery has an amazing post about the things people mean when they say "carpe diem." She says:
Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it’s hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she’s not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn’t add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it’s so hard means she IS doing it right ... in her own way ... and she happens to be honest .... But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here’s what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:
It’s helluva hard, isn’t it? You’re a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She’s my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime.
No one expects a new mom of a baby to enjoy every moment. And if they do, then they are kind of jerks. Because parenting at any stage is hard (oh believe me, it gets harder), but people say this most often to mothers of young children.
Most people don't say to the mom of a wayward 16-year-old: "These are the best moments of your life!" But they sure as hell do when you have an 18-month-old. The fact is, we are usually doing the best we can to appreciate what we can, but parenting a baby or a young toddler is hard work. They may look cute, but they are not easy.
So here are some moments you can skip seizing and no one will judge you for it:
- Diaper blow-outs: These invariably happen just as you are getting ready to walk out the door and are often the reason moms are late everywhere we go.
- Projective vomiting: This happens when you just changed shirts and sometimes when you are talking to your boss. The kid isn't sick. He's just a baby.
- Waking up at 2 a.m. (and 3 a.m. and 4 a.m. and 4:30 a.m ...): Any parent who could remember would also know how awful those first few months are for this reason. Not sleeping is reason enough not have another baby.
- The change in lifestyle: Maybe you weren't still going out all the time even just before baby. But you were likely a lot more free than you are now. The time after baby is stressful and scary and so different. There are no more New York Times crossword puzzle Sundays and sex Saturdays. Good bye to movie marathons and hangovers. Now it's all baby all the time and that doesn't always feel good.
- Not knowing what you are doing: There were so many times that first year where I just cried because I felt so helpless and clueless. This isn't a fun feeling.
- The 40-pound diaper bag: My shoulders hurt so much from lugging that thing around and all my cute bags suddenly disappeared.
- Trying to travel: Have you ever flown on a plane with a diaper bag, a car seat, your own carry-on, a stroller, and a bag of games and still been under prepared? No? Then you've never flown with a baby. It's awful.
- Not knowing why they are crying: Babies cry and cry and cry, sometimes without any reason. It can be so frustrating to try to suss out what is up with them and there is nothing "magical" about that feeling.
- Being scared it lasts forever: Those first few weeks of parenthood are scary and bewildering and nearly every new mom has a "oh my God, is this forever?" moment. It's OK. You need not feel guilty about it.
- Changes: One moment your baby sleeps through the night. The next he doesn't. One day he naps. The next day he refuses. It's maddening and it's OK to say so.
- Bonus 11: Not showering: Because ew. Seriously. It totally sucks.
What moments were you not into "seizing"?
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Comments 10
I actually tried to enjoy EVERY moment with my second especially. He was SO colicky, always screaming, projectile vomiting, it was EXHAUSTING and draining. But I realized that is who he was as a baby. If I didn't stop and find a way to enjoy those crazy, tiring, hair pulling, moments, I would have nothing from his baby stage to remember and cherish. :D So learned to enjoy and cherish those moments holding an inconsolable infant, the constantly stained, covered in throw up clothes (of MINE). It was part of who he was. And I loved him for it!
I guess I would say, if you have a baby who is always the 'negative' find a way to enjoy it and cherish it. Because it is all you have! :)
He is my cuddler now!! LOVES to be held and kissed. Maybe it is from all thoughs hours of holding and rocking him non-stop as an infant. :) He is now 4 1/2 years old.
love that quote! and it's so true- to me it's hard like marriage is hard, yes it's 'work' but it doesn't feel like it because it's so rewarding! and I've already forgotten how bad it was in the newborn stage.....already looking at pictures wistfully! lol
Loved that article. My big issue with being told that these are the "best times" and they'll go by so fast, and then I'll long for them, is that I can't help but think So once all this craziness is over, it's all DOWNhill from there? I love being a mom, and I adore my girls (2 and 4), but sometimes it is HARD! I have literally called my mom near tears with a child in the midst of a meltdown, asking her if I thought it was possible that said child has a mental illness, because THIS CANNOT BE NORMAL!! When normalcy returns, I have the enjoyment of laughing at how insane it all was and how horrible it all seemed in that moment.
Overall, I cherish these days, but if I were to try to cherish every moment, I would sure feel like a giant failure. Sometimes I want to run out of the house screaming, "Raise yourselves, you animals!" (I don't though). That being said, I also have a "real" job (please don't slam me for saying that. I work from home, so I can't say I work outside of the house, so "real" is the easiest way to explain it), and there are many times where I want to run screaming from there, too. But I love that as well.
Just because every moment is not sunshine and rainbows doesn't make us failures or ungrateful for what we have. It just makes us human.
Enjoy and remember every moment, not because they are all memorable or enjoyable (shoot, most of them I'd be happy to have never experienced! See diaper blow outs and projectile vomiting, above) However, that said there is a reason. Enjoy every moment to the greatest extent you have. Or you will quickly be miserable. You know something funny that I used to take note of? My son used to smile real big every single time his brand new huggies leaked poo all over his most adorable baby outfit, thus dying it a pea green poop color I'd never get out no matter how much I washed it! Ah, at least one of us was happy!
Remember everything. For a few years it is great birth control! LOL! But remember because later on you will want to, to tell your kids, and their kids, and every future parent who needs an encouraging word (don't worry, my kids did this too! and yeah, I didn't know what to do either) and because someday your kid will be grown, and your memories of those often funny in hindsight moments will be all you have. Cause I dunno about you, but my camera was never handy when my son projectile vomited all over his very judgemental grandma right while she was telling me how I should lose my baby weight. Darn! But I remember :P
Cause I dunno about you, but my camera was never handy when my son projectile vomited all over his very judgemental grandma right while she was telling me how I should lose my baby weight. Darn! But I remember :P
HILARIOUS!!!!! lmao. Remember every moment... I like that sentiment a lot more thant cherish every moment ;)
I must seriously have the easiest baby in the world.. besides the spitting up, which mine does in spades, the other issues have been either minor or nonexistant. Especially at the newborn stage, she literally slept all the time and only woke up to eat. I'm sure I'll pay for it when shes a teenager.
I think what they mean by "Enjoy every minute" is that once this baby stage is over.. IT'S OVER. There is no going back.. and it's amazing while they become more independant, but also a little sad.. And it really does FLY by!
The other day, while we were watching my daughter sleep, my mom remarked to me "These are the good times. Don't forget." I think by "good times" she meant these are the sweetest times, where you child is most dependent on you but their needs are very basic (eat, sleep, hugs). After this, it's more complicated, and I won't be able to protect her from everything like I can now that she's small.
Otherwise, yes, parenting is freaking hard!
I do love the list though. Especially traveling. As last September we flew from Seattle to Atlanta with both boys. Meaning both car seats and crap while pregnant. One thing missing from her list to travel with....the child(ren). Haha! She mentioned not feeling prepared. Well, if you don't have that last essential item then it's a Home Alone remake. Haha!
You don't have to "enjoy" every moment. But remember them! Watching your kids grow up is amazing. My second is turning two on Sunday. I have no idea where these last two years went. How is my oldest four? And in school? Five years ago children werent even in my thoughts but now I almost have three. It's a fun road, even with all the bumps along the way.