New Mom Secret: I Sometimes Hate My Baby

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It's hard being a new mom (or even an experienced mom to a new baby) and sometimes we do things we know we shouldn't, despite what all the experts say. But this is a safe place to share your secrets (PM me)—we'll never tell.

This Week's Secret:

 

My son is 3-months-old and I am shocked by motherhood and all it entails. At first I thought I would get used to it, but now I am just spending more and more time crying and depressed and feeling like I want my old life back. Maybe it is because I had not really "settled down" when I got pregnant. I went right from partying every night and hanging out with friends to being totally grounded with my baby. My boyfriend has been helpful, but he and I are not together anymore, so it is really up to me alone and I really hate it most of the time. Does this ever get better? — Anonymous

There are a couple answers to your question. Yes, it gets better, much better, in fact. And also: You should get help. Raising a baby alone or with just a boyfriend with whom you do not live is not easy. The first three months are hard for all new moms and all new moms feel that way, too, but you do have special circumstances.

My advice would be to ask your friends, parents, siblings and anyone else for help. Be honest with them about how you are feeling and make sure you are talking openly. If you can cultivate this now, you will have a great support system as your baby grows.

You will undoubtedly be less "green" in a few months and will be much happier and more comfortable with motherhood, but it still does take a village. It is impossible to do it completely alone. If it feels more serious, seek professional help. There is no shame in that.

Do you have any advice for this mom?

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nonmember avatar Kathy

The title of this goes beyon attention grabbing to being really unfair. I hope it doesnt hurt the mom while shes down. Hating motherhood and hating your baby are not the same thing.



Hugs to the new mom - it Does get better!

Ms.Pu... Ms.PuNkrOckStar

"My boyfriend" if you are not together anymore he is not your boyfriend anymore. Could it be PPD? You should really get help. It is hard but the love for your child should be stronger. And if you werent ready to be a mommy i understand how u feel just have patience and seek help

SLJoJo27 SLJoJo27

seek help immediately! there is no shame in having those feelings or suffering ppd but seek help if you cant control them or feel overwhelmed. depression (ppd) is serious and its not your fault... having a baby is joyous , yes. but very overhwhelming!! Better to take care of yourself so nothing happens... it only takes an instant to lost it all.

kelli... kelli0585

Wow. I agree that the title is way harsh. Nowhere in her confession did she say that she hated her baby. Not even close.

nonmember avatar Julie

I was diagnosed with PPD right after my son was born. He is now eight months old, and I struggle with the same feelings every day. I miss my old life, but I am working with a therapist to try and find a happy medium between "super mom" and a life without my son. It's a hard road, but totally worth it - every day gets a little easier. I love him with all of my heart, and wouldn't trade him for anything, but the one thing I would suggest is that the mom get time without the baby. I ALWAYS feel better after I have a couple of hours alone.

nonmember avatar Shelly

This woman needs to see a Dr. yesterday!! What's she experiencing is very common, but should not go left untreated...it's dangerous.

nonmember avatar emmecj

Yes see a Dr. right away totally sounds like PPD. But also find some mom's groups where you can get out and meet other mom's like you and not feel so alone. If you have Kaiser the groups meet weekly for free, call the hospital you had your baby at and ask about Mom's groups or parent groups via their Health center, even Baby stores offer them. You also need to redefine fun - maybe it won't be parting every night all night, but a day trip with other mom's even a playdate - at this age they are more about you then the baby anyway, and they are fun!

hutch... hutchfam2007

I too, felt your pain. It IS normal. I have a very supporting family and a husband who was more than helpful with our child and still felt that way. Motherhood is VERY hard. People forget to tell you that. It gets easier as the child grows older and their dependence on you grows less and less. But it is never easy. I, personally, was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression, and was medicated for it. I did feel better. I stayed on the medication until after I returned to work when my daughter was 18months old, and I was feeling back to my normal self. I cannot say that you do have PPD, but a simple questionair will lead your Dr. to believe one way or the other. I CAN say that there is no reason to be miserable. I lived miserably until my daughter was about 6-7 months old when I finally admitted that I did have a problem.

Kritika Kritika

Sasha you should seriously be ashamed of yourself for giving this article such an attention seeking title. I cannot believe you beckon these women to send you their most personal secrets and then THIS is how you let their secret out?! Do you think that your your infering and your title is helping this poor woman any? Never, anywhere did she ever imply that she hates her baby. Disgusting.

hutch... hutchfam2007

As I said motherhood is VERY VERY VERY hard, and nobody mentioned that to me before I had my daughter... I expected to feel overwhelming love from the minute I had her until the day I died. I expected to "know" her cries, and to be able to 'Fix" whatever was bothering her. I expected that she wouldnt cry much because I would 'know' what to do. Well, I didnt feel that automatic overwhelming love I expected, which made me feel like a monster. I didnt know her cries, I just knew that she cried all the time. I couldnt fix whatever was bothering her because there was nothing to fix. I Didnt know what to do all the time. As I said I had an exceptional support system and still had the same feelings you are having. I literally wondered if I had made a Huge mistake by having this baby. I Wanted my old life back. Then I got help, and it got better. and better. and better. and as my daughter has grown, we have had our issues but, now, at 3 years old, I am having the time of my life! She is SO much fun and I am enjoying her like I thought I may never enjoy her. Motherhood now is amazing. It DOES get better. Take it from this mom. :)


 

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