The No CIO Solution That Really Works (In My House)

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baby sleepingWe don't let our kids cry it out. Recent research has come out saying how Ferberizing a child is dangerous, though I have always felt that letting a child cry alone in their room was not just damaging to the child, but to me as a mom. So we never did it.

This doesn't mean my twins don't ever cry. They do -- they are kids. It just means we don't leave them in a room alone to cry until they fall asleep. It also doesn't mean we never sleep. We do. Soundly. Mostly. Though we have worked out a unique way to keep our sanity and the kids happy, and get some zzzzs.

This is what we do ...

We actually have many steps and procedures we go through depending on the situation and the time the "situation" occurs. The "situation" meaning the blood-curdling scream that suddenly bursts out of my daughter's mouth. Or the super sad pout that comes from my son. (Thankfully they usually don't wake the other one up and it's just a one crier situation.)

Oh and we do co-sleep since it's just not something that works for us with twins. We did in-room co-sleep with a co-sleeper until they were 7 months old. But when we moved, our new bedroom barely fit our bed, so cribs in room weren't an option.

Mostly, it's my daughter who has decided that five "night night" books and a song just won't cut it. That and she must have a sensor that goes off because just when we think she is totally asleep, eyes closed for over ten minutes, I get up off the chair and she standing up wide awake.

So what we have done is made a "Mama bed." The Mama bed is a few blankets on the floor in their room so I (or my husband) can lie down and go sleepy time until my daughter is truly asleep -- even her motion detector. This Mama bed elimates the stress of waiting for her to go to sleep. My husband and I just accept that we will be in the Mama bed until she is ready. And it's become the perfect time for me to unwind. I have even fallen asleep for a little bit there. Or I add to that running list in my head of things I need to do. Or I meditate. It's glorious.

To make this work, you need to have patience and a little bit more patience on top of that. There are nights this is more challenging of course. Sometimes things need to get done and the last thing I want to do is lie there doing nothing. But in reality, I am doing something ... I am helping my kid get to sleep without crying her head off. I also find it endearing that she just wants me there. Soon enough she will be embarrassed to kiss me and moving out -- I have to enjoy this now while she's little.

If a cry out happens after my husband and I have gone to bed, we have a first responder (him) and a follow up responder (me). This means if one of our kids cries, my husband knows he is the first one to go in and soothe whoever is crying -- whatever that requires. Knowing who responds first is key -- this helps us avoid a 2 a.m. argument which can lead to resentment in the morning. If a week goes by and there is only a need for a first responder and not a follow up, we switch, and I become the first responder for that week.

If both kids start crying (thankfully rare), we both go in. And we make extra coffee in the morning.

We also constantly remind ourselves that this is a phase and it's not going to last forever and a day. Our kids' sleep patterns and needs will change in a few weeks or months, and new issues may present themselves and we will have to learn new ways to deal with them so that everyone is happy. And of course, what works for one family, may not work for another. This is just our solution to not letting our kids cry it out. And it works for us. For now.

What unusual sleep solutions have you come up with to maintain peace in your house? Have you ever tried the same methods I have tried?

 

Image via Raisa Rocha/Flickr

baby sleep, cio, natural parenting

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nonmember avatar terry77

My husband does what he calls "family naps" with the kids. It's the same as what you do essentially. He used to wait till they were absolutely asleep but now he usually does maybe twenty minutes max. And with the baby, she's a year old, he's first responder. If she sees me first then she'll want up and to be carried but with daddy,she's content to be soothed by a few soft words and a pat on the back.

Stacey. Stacey.

My baby sleeps in a playpen at the foot of my bed. When she goes to bed though I put her paci in her mouth and hand her a lovey (a stuffed giraffe as big as her). She holds it up to her face, hugs it, and drifts off.

crs2442 crs2442

Well......my 1yo hates sleeping. Lying on his floor won't help that! And since I spend so much time convincing HIM to sleep, my 2yo falls asleep to the tv. Do I win an award????

Torto... Tortoise77

Don't like the CIO method. I just can do it. I've cried my self to sleep and its a shitty feeling. Stuffed nose, terrible pulsing headache and a nauseous feeling. Do I want that to be my son's way of knowing " go the fuck to sleep" NO!  I rather snuggle up with him and nurse him to sleep : ) it works for us! 

AKIMN... AKIMNA_ASHUN

Ms. Michelle love your positive, solution-driven and compromising focus! And it sounds like you and your hubby have great communication!


Co-sleeping and constant feeding for the first couple of years did the trick for us.

Laura2U Laura2U

I did CIO with my first two, my third slept fine on her own, and my two youngest I just couldn't do it. I had this epiphany between #3 and #4 that they grow up way too fast and I should enjoy the snuggles. We do kind of a mixture, we get them really sleepy with lots of cuddling and feeding and then put them in bed. Sometimes they'll cry for a while, but if they get too upset we get them and hold for a little while longer.

Thewi... Thewife06

I lay my son in his crib, tell him goodnight, and lay down inour bed next to the crib.  Sometimes he throws major fits, and I have to get up, hug him, get him to calm down & start all over.  Other nights he just lays down and goes to sleep.  then, like last night, when he's sick & I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open....We have this magical thing called a 'portable DVD player.'  It's a rare occurance, but that thing is a life saver! 

nonmember avatar shannon

Co-slept with the first one, second one slept in our room but in a hammock or baby swing, he couldn't just lay still. Last one won't stay put to co-sleep so he's been our crib sleeping baby and now toddler. He loves his crib rarely ever cries when we put him to bed. He just knows that's where he goes night night and he does. Occassionally he will protest by crying, and when this happens we just take him out right away and let him play some more. If he's cranky and still upset I will rock him with a baba and watch some tv. Settles him down nicely and then I put him back in the crib awake and he drifts off to sleep. We got lucky with baby no. 3. I think God knew I was reaching my limit on what I could handle so he gave me a good sleeper! After no. 2 who was and still us the hardest to get to sleep I think we deserved this easy baby.

mommy... mommy2myles

We all go to sleep together in the same bed. My little boy has never cried at bedtime. I guess there's just no reason to.

nonmember avatar angie

I really enjoy your flexible, roll-with-it take. Kids are constantly changing. They'll reach a new developmental phase or will simply outgrow our best plans. You will never regret parenting in a way that make you & your babies feel good... :-)

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