When my first child was an infant, sleep did not always come easily for him (or, as a result, for me or my husband). Some nights our son would conk out on his own and stay asleep through the night (though I'd still wake up to check on him). Other nights, it didn't matter what we tried, our baby wouldn't go to sleep until he was good and ready, and it was impossible to predict when (and how) that time would come.
Many people suggested that we let our son "cry it out" in his crib. "Have you tried 'Ferberizing' him?" they'd say, referring to the methods of Dr. Richard Ferber, a pediatrician who recommends parents let children fall asleep by themselves at bedtime -- even if that means allowing them to cry for extended periods of time -- in order to train them to be self-sufficient. "Ferberizing," such an ugly term. Machine-like. Cold.
My husband and I made a few half-hearted efforts at not responding right away to our baby's cries at night. But we could never really hold out for long. After a minute or two, if our son was still howling, we were by his side or he was in our arms. (Who could sleep through that racket, anyway?) Letting him howl for minutes or even hours on end? Even as every fiber of my being felt drawn to respond, to hold him, shush him, bounce him, and rock him? That just felt like a primal wrong to me.
Ferber's methods have long been controversial (he himself has softened his stance), but now they're being labeled downright dangerous. According to University of Notre Dame psychology professor Darcia Narvaez, research has shown that "letting babies get distressed is a practice that can damage children and their relational capacities in many ways for the long term." What's more, she writes in Psychology Today, "Giving babies what they need leads to greater independence later."
Narvaez maintains that babies cry for a reason and suggests that, when parents don't respond to their infant's cries, it can, among other things, negatively affect the baby's brain development, lead to neural and digestive disorders, keep them from being able to self-regulate and self-comfort, and even "stop growing, stop feeling, stop trusting."
Ugh. This must be terribly frightening news for the many parents who have relied upon (and in many cases, sworn by) the "cry it out" method of sleep training. Even I, with my few random half-hearted attempts at not responding to my infant's nighttime cries, feel a little unsettled. Have I irreparably damaged my child in some way? It makes you realize that, at the end of the day, we really have to trust our own instincts as parents. If an expert's advice doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
Did you try "cry it out" sleep training with your child?
Image via Chalky Lives/Flickr
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Comments 119
What's hilarious is that you and all your natural parenting cronies, who have nothing better to do than tell other moms to "do their research"...have no flippin' clue how to do research yourselves. Dr. Momma.com isn't research. Psychology Today sounds research-y, but it's really only a person with a PhD. sharing her views on something, making leaps in logic from a few scattered research studies. She did NOT do her own study on the topic, and none of the studies she links to studied CIO in particular, just things that she associates with with CIO (like stress). Do whatever you feel is right for your own children, including safe co-sleepiing, but don't use half-assed "research" to guilt other moms into doing the same thing.
I did the cry it out method with both my two older girls when they were 10 months old for going to bed and 11 months old when they woke up during the night. It was the BEST thing I ever did. It took only a night or two, I went in after 5 min, then 10, then 15, and so on. I only talked to them for a few minutes and usually they didn't fuss longer then 15 min so they only recieved 1 visit anyway. My youngest is going to be 8 months in a week and I plan on doing the same in 2 months with her and then a month later for sleeping through the night, even though I don't think she will need it considering she has been great at sleeping through the night since she was born (I was very lucky). Of course things were different on nights when they were sick. It IS possible to spoil a child after the age of 6 months and it is important that the child learns that they are a seperate person from you. I learned this with two girls with completely different personalities. I learned this the hard way.