New Mom Secret: I Don't Want to Fix My Baby's Birth 'Defect'

on December 20, 2011 at 10:44 AM

It's hard being a new mom (or even an experienced mom to a new baby) and sometimes we do things we know we shouldn't, despite what all the experts say. But this is a safe place to share your secrets (PM me)—we'll never tell.

This Week's Secret:

My 4-month-old son was born with a partial cleft palate that doesn't interfere with most of his functioning. But we are still making the moves toward "fixing" it for him. Now, as we're getting closer and closer to the surgery, I find myself no longer wanting it. I feel like it's presumptuous of us to fix it for cosmetic reasons and he is beautiful without the surgery. It's tearing me up, so I am just not sure what the right answer is. -- Anonymous

Approximately 1 in 700 children born have a cleft lip or a cleft palate, so you aren't alone. A couple of my friends have dealt with this issue and both felt just like you, but they still went through with the surgery and are glad they did.

You are right, I am sure, that your baby is gorgeous on his own. But as he grows, he will likely be appreciative of your decision if you do the surgery and he will understand. I didn't like having to make any medical decisions for my babies, so I know how you feel, but in this case, if the doctors say it's time, then my feeling is that they're right.

Do you have any advice for this mom?

Image via Truthout.org/Flickr

About the author Sasha Brown-Worsham

can't decide whether she is a mother, writer, or runner, but is usually all three at some point each day. She has written for dozens of print magazines, newspapers, and websites. She rarely ever writes on bathroom walls.

Filed Under: mom secrets

Comments (46)

Nonmember comment from Rachel

on Dec 20, 2011 at 10:53 AM

My child was born with minor plagiocephaly and even if the insurance won't cover it we still plan to have it fixed. Why? Because he will probably thank us for ensuring he has a round head as an adult and he can find head gear that fits properly, especially protective head gear. Your son will feel the same way so do him a favor and get it fixed.

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Nonmember comment from emmecj

on Dec 20, 2011 at 10:58 AM

It is not about you, it is about your child. Get the surgery.

Nonmember comment from blh

on Dec 20, 2011 at 11:11 AM

You're kid will be very mad at you when he gets older if you don't fix it now.

Melissa042807

on Dec 20, 2011 at 11:12 AM

It's understandable that you have anxiety about surgery for your baby. Heck, I got anxious about anything medical with my son when he was little! But try to think of it this way: Will it be easier on him to get it done now when he's not going to remember anything, or later when there's the risk of the whole surgery experience giving him hospital/doctor anxiety long term?

Nonmember comment from KJH

on Dec 20, 2011 at 11:34 AM

It doesn't interfere with most of his functioning NOW, but later when he learns to talk it could severely mess up his speech. Or he could wind choking on something he's eating because the roof of his mouth isn't completely closed off. This has nothing to do with appearances, they should do what's best for the kid medically.

niamibunni

on Dec 20, 2011 at 12:27 PM

I would be anxious too, but still it's about him.

Nonmember comment from Liz

on Dec 20, 2011 at 12:28 PM

I have 2 beautiful girls, both born with Pierre Robin Sequence ( cleft palate and recessed jaw). Both girls have had the cleft palate repair and a few more to repair what was originally repaired. I don't regret having the surgeries. BUt what I do regret is what happens when they are older.. and that is the speech therapy. Please please get your child into speech therapy... it will help! Build your child's self-esteem.

ChicHippie

on Dec 20, 2011 at 2:19 PM

My son just had a cranial facial reconstruction.. and it was hard but I'm thankful that he had it done at 6 months instead of when he's older. It wasn't an optional procedure has he was suffering from icp BUT just knowing how cruel this world is to people with differences I would strongly urge you to go ahead with the procedure. Give your child the best (all around- emotionally and physically) life possible.

on Dec 20, 2011 at 2:20 PM

*as he

zandhmom2

on Dec 20, 2011 at 2:42 PM

My daughter was born with a bi-lateral cleft lip and palate. She is 11 now and has had 5 surgeries so far. I totally understand the fear involved with having your baby have surgery (very scary) but totally nessecary. Please do it now while it is easier on them.