New Mom Secret: I Don't Want to Fix My Baby's Birth 'Defect'

It's hard being a new mom (or even an experienced mom to a new baby) and sometimes we do things we know we shouldn't, despite what all the experts say. But this is a safe place to share your secrets (PM me)—we'll never tell.

This Week's Secret:


My 4-month-old son was born with a partial cleft palate that doesn't interfere with most of his functioning. But we are still making the moves toward "fixing" it for him. Now, as we're getting closer and closer to the surgery, I find myself no longer wanting it. I feel like it's presumptuous of us to fix it for cosmetic reasons and he is beautiful without the surgery. It's tearing me up, so I am just not sure what the right answer is. -- Anonymous

Approximately 1 in 700 children born have a cleft lip or a cleft palate, so you aren't alone. A couple of my friends have dealt with this issue and both felt just like you, but they still went through with the surgery and are glad they did.

You are right, I am sure, that your baby is gorgeous on his own. But as he grows, he will likely be appreciative of your decision if you do the surgery and he will understand. I didn't like having to make any medical decisions for my babies, so I know how you feel, but in this case, if the doctors say it's time, then my feeling is that they're right.

Do you have any advice for this mom?


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