Co-Sleepers Have Great Marriages & Sex Lives, I Promise

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Aside from the many "OMG YOUR BABY WILL DIE!" comments that come up during conversations about co-sleeping, another thing I always hear is how terrible a co-sleeping mom's sex life must be. Well, I'm here to set the record straight about sex and co-sleeping once and for all.

So if you're unsure about how a couple can have a fulfilling sex life and marriage and still co-sleep with their kids, read on. And no, I'm not going to give you the intimate details of my sex life (you're welcome.)

First, pretend you're a teenager. And you want to have sex. (If you waited until marriage, replace that with "newlywed.") Where do you go to have sex? That's right -- ANYWHERE. The couch, the floor, the kitchen, the shower. As a co-sleeping parent, these places are still an option. The bed is not the only place you can have sex. In fact, it's the boring couple who restricts their lovemaking to the bed.

See, so that one is simple. Where do we have sex? Wherever we feel like it.

As far as co-sleeping husbands being "miserable," most husbands I know enjoy the baby being close by. Sure, some guys do feel a little bitter about the baby, but the couple can easily work out a compromise, where mom moves baby to the outside of the bed instead of between them (where baby is safest anyway). Or even put into a co-sleeper or side-carred crib for some or most of the night. Easy peasy. Most understanding husbands get that mom often gets the most sleep when baby is right there with her, making for a happier family in general. Believe it or not, most couples can logically work through the causes of a husband's dislike of co-sleeping like mature adults ... and it's usually not the co-sleeping, but a lack of intimacy or even just worry about rolling onto the baby. Both problems are easily solved in a way that still keeps baby in the bed (or next to it).

I know in some families, the mom and dad don't sleep in the same bed. This happens regardless of co-sleeping, whether because one person snores badly, has restless leg syndrome, very different sleep schedules, or many different reasons. It really has little to do with co-sleeping, and can hardly be blamed on it. While I wouldn't choose that, I know how nice it can be to have a bed by myself, after seven deployments while my husband was in the Navy. But who am I to judge another families' sleeping arrangements? No one, that's who. And frankly, no one else should either.

Now, last but not least, having a space to call your own ... my bedroom isn't kid-free. Why? Because in the middle of the night for nightmares or in the morning for cuddling or Attack of the Blanket Monster, I think the parents' bed has always been a place kids enjoy playing and bonding and cuddling. Plus, once all the kids are in bed, the whole HOUSE is the parents' alone. I know "pillow talk" is highly rated, but uh, once your baby or toddler is asleep, what's stopping that? Nuttin, that's what. But if you want your bedroom kid-free, be my guest, but stop telling me I should with mine, or anyone else, for that matter. My voice and our cuddling works equally well anywhere else, so the marriage? Again, not suffering.

Look, I really don't care if you use a crib, co-sleeping, sidecar, or put your baby in your bed. It's about what's best for your family, but especially for your baby, and is respectful of your baby's nighttime needs. But please stop pretending that the marriages of co-sleepers are broken and dysfunctional, and for gods' sake, keep your opinions about my bedroom and sex life to yourself. Thanks.

Have you had your marriage questioned simply because you co-sleep?

 

Image via Kai Hendry/Flickr

 

baby sleep, bonding, breastfeeding, natural parenting, marriage, sex

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beyon... beyond.eden22

I know several co-sleepers and they would definitely disagree with your article. I've co-slept with my son once and I couldn't fall asleep, I was too worried I would crush him... and he's 3 and I'm super tiny, lol. My husband and I hardly got any sleep that night but didn't want to put him back to bed cause he had had a bad dream. No way would I be able to sleep peacefully with my kids, but that's just me.

Sol W. Soto-Deller

All the freaking time. People need to mind their own business. My husband sleeps with our toddler and I sleep with our newborn. It works for us. As for sex life? I have kids less than 20 months apart...guessing sharing our bed wasn't an issue.

briar... briarraindancer

My husband slept on the couch long before the baby was born, and he'll continue long after baby's left my bed. He gets up for work every day at 2 am, and we both sleep better when he's not in the bed. And we've always had a fantastic sex life.

nonmember avatar Amber

We co-slept with our daughter who's now 3. She has her own room and 99% of the time stays in her own bed. I honestly think that our sex life was more enjoyable and more frequent AFTER having a baby.

Katsa... Katsandkids

My girls are 14 months apart and yes we co-sleep :)

Colet... Colette923

My daughter stays in a cosleeper and mine and my husband's sex life is phenomenal.

Lynette Lynette

great post!

Judy Gutierrez

Great post!  We both loved, & love, co-sleeping.  When we became new parents, I remember asking my husband about a crib & he was vehemently against the idea, saying he preferred we co-sleep.  I was so happy. :)


As far as sex, SO true.  Most times we FELT like teenagers, sneaking out of the bed slowly, giggling/smiling and tip toeing our way out to "break in the couch". lol.  It even made it more exciting, I think...but I won't go into details either. ;)


The parent that worries too much and just does not feel comfortable, should not co-sleep.  It's not for everyone but, for us, it's perfect.

Babyo... Babyology

THANK YOU! It is nobody else's business how or where other families sleep at night. If you don't like the idea of co-sleeping then don't do it, but don't judge people who do! 

LOVE_... LOVE_mygirls58

If we co-slept my DH would kill our child because of how he sleeps and I cannot get comfy with kids in the bed ....no kids allowed in out bed in out house *unless there are thunderstorms or night mears* otherwise we keep the crib in out room until 1 year old and both my kids were very excited at 1 year to have their own room =)

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