An Open Letter to My Babysitter

Dear Nice-Lady-Who-Wants-To-Babysit-My-Kid,

While not ideal, we have determined that we need to work and can’t stay home with our son. We considered daycare but he has some issues that involve daily medication. I aim to be a decent employer who is fair and understanding so long as you understand this is our kid and our house -- please don’t be mean to, or break, either of them.

Some things you should know, which might not be obvious.

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  1. Please be on time: If you are late, we are late. As completely impossible as this is to understand, our bosses don’t really care that we were late because your wallet was in your sister’s car and you had to go alllllllll the way to her house first. I mean the first time is ok, but on the tenth time our boss just gets mad and so do we.

  2. It is my house, even if you are in it more than I am. So while I get that and I want you to be comfortable, don’t like, rearrange my picture frames or put my dishes in another spot. And do not take my book, the one I am reading, and start reading it yourself.  And move the bookmark. Boundaries are good. I like boundaries.

  3. Finish what you start. And by this I mean with food. I said it’s cool to eat whatever is in the fridge and I meant it. What I’d prefer you not do is eat everything but one bite and put it back. See, it makes it hard to plan if I think we have a full container of left-over pasta salad but find out when we are ready to eat that what we have left is 2 pieces of pasta and a lot of broccoli (because you apparently don’t like broccoli). Same with the pantry. Just finish the damn chips.

  4. Wash the baby’s face. Just do it. I know he hates it but the crust of his lunch on his temple just isn’t a good look. And I am pretty sure it is bad for his hyper-sensitive skin.

  5. Follow the schedule. As I’ve mentioned, he has some issues, like he doesn’t sleep through the night, and key to that is making sure he naps and digests things in a fairly regular manner. This isn’t me being “fussy” or “controlling”, this really is me ensuring that my whole house sleeps.

That’s really it. I don’t care about TV so much. I watch a lot so I suspect he will too. If you don’t get around to emptying the diaper pail, one of us will. I’d like to be organic and healthy, but if he has a cookie, I’m not going to freak out and start a household cleanse. When he cries when you leave because he likes you better, I won’t get mad at you. I’d like it if he were a good citizen and learned how to share and say please and thank you but I’ll bear the weight of that.

There is one more thing. Please wipe the kitchen table. Putting my elbow in dried, crusty baby food every time we sit at the table gets old.

Thanks,
The-Nice-Lady-Who’s-Kid-You’ll-Be-Watching

 

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