Clues That It's Time to Take Your Screaming Baby Home

screaming baby in publicFor the past hour I've been working in a coffee shop. Perhaps it's because I'm on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, but one of my companions has been a screaming baby. Yes, her mother is here too, but seems basically unaffected by the ear-piercing freak-outs that are constantly flowing from that tiny girl. I first noticed mom and baby as they were in line waiting to order. I thought to myself, "Oh my god, I bet she just wants her coffee so she can get that baby home." But no. She ordered her drink then proceeded to sit down with her screaming baby in the stroller next to her.

Now, I'm a mom to two kids who are not always on their best behavior, so I really hate to judge. However. This is one of those times that mom is 100 percent wrong to sit in a public space, drinking her coffee and writing cards (what the?) while her baby sits in the stroller and screams. It's time to go home, baby. IT'S TIME TO GO HOME.


Just in case you're ever in this position and wonder, "Hmm, should I stay at Starbucks and allow my baby to terrorize everyone? Or should I go home and take my screaming lil' monster with me?" allow me to help you sort it out.

Is my baby screaming so hard it's probably going to make her throat raw?

Is my baby throwing things at other people whom she is not related to?

Is my baby projectile vomiting?

Is my baby breaking the sound barrier?

Am I usually a totally clueless mom?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above, please pick up your baby and move her to your home immediately. Thank you.

Have you ever been out and wondered what the heck that mom was thinking?


Image via brknhrt2/Flickr

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