Asking a Mom If She's 'Done' Having Kids Is Rude


family in shadowDreena and her husband have five children -- four boys and a little girl -- Nick, 8, Nathan, 6, Nolan, 5, Nevan, 3, and Natalie, 18 months. And she's frustrated. Not because she's a mom of five kids. Because of you. Well, those of you who keep asking if she's done having kids. Here, in Dreena's own words, are her feelings on it all ....

I must say being the mother of five children has it's ups and downs, but I wouldn't trade these experiences for anything in the world. One of the worst parts about it though is how RUDE, and yes I mean RUDE, it is to ask someone if they are "done having children" just because they have both genders. As soon as we found out we were having a girl anyone and everyone I run into makes that horrible comment. "You guys are done right?"

I can't possibly tell you how frustrating it is to hear these words all the time.

My children are usually well behaved when we go out places, always use manners, and people often tell me how well behaved they are. Yet I still get those asking "How do you do it" in a tone that is less than positive. I say one day at a time, discipline, and rewards. Still, it makes it sound like children are a burden on society and no parent should have more kids after they have each gender.

If you really want to know if someone plans on having more kids, a nicer way to ask is like this: "Those are beautiful children you have, do you plan to have more?"

But ... you really don't have to ask at all because it is none of your business. Not all large families mooch off the government or ask for handouts all the time, seeing as many people like to stereotype this situation. I am the oldest of five myself and I never grew up thinking that five was such a large family as it is presented nowadays. So sad to see society with such a piss poor attitude. I am not taking your tax money, everyone else seems to be taking ours nowadays. I am not aiming to be the next Octomom or the next Duggar family, I just enjoy giving the gift of life at a realistic happy medium. I'm sorry if my happy family is just too much for some people to bear.  

I never realized how much criticism I would receive as a parent of many. I have to say that I am disappointed not in my family but from those around me. Also I am not stating that I have a perfect family and we don't have a rough day when a kid decides to throw a rare temper tantrum in public. But doesn't every mom face that? Large families do not deserve a bad name.

Does it annoy you when people ask if you are done having kids? How do you respond if asked?

This originally appeared on Dreena's CafeMom journal.


Image via Goodncrazy/Flickr

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purpl... purple_creeper

One word on why people keep on asking her about this. OVERPOPULATION. Having so many kids out there that can be adopted u go for having 5 kids? And then one right after the other. There is no way you can give each of your kids enough quality time. So start using a condom and think obout how the world is already overpopulated. Want more kids? Give the chance to a kid thats waiting to be loved. ADOPT!

nonmember avatar KellyB

Yes, especially since we only have one and we can't have any more. I understand that people are just trying to make conversation, but in my case, that conversation is extremely painful. There's been several incidences where I've started crying only because it is barely beneath the surface for me alot of the time.

I have to say, for the Mom with five kids that gets annoyed, please count your blessings, and try to let it roll off your back. I don't think most people are intending to be rude, it's just a conversation starter.

ChicH... ChicHippie

I get annoyed by people that assume we want MORE kids. We are happy with our 1, thank you.

nonmember avatar NavyWife

What's even more rude are people like purple_creeper who feel the need to tell people how many kids they should have and automatically assume that they can't give each child the attention and love it needs. You don't know her or her life, so who are you assume such things? Yes, the world is overpopulated. Yes, there are many children out there who need a good, loving home. It would be nice if everyone adopted, but that's not possible. It's perfectly fine for someone to have their own kids, and it's also perfectly fine if people want to adopt. Guilt-tripping people into won't make them do it.

Logan... LoganTroyMom

get over it. Most people are just making conversation. Or commenting on, duh, how crazy that must be! 5 kids is a lot. So be prepared for people to act like it is.

Courtney Jefferson

They are asking you because we are overpopulated. We, as a population, cannot continue to breed like rabbits and expect our children and grandchildren to have the same resources that we enjoy. People are asking because you are selfish. Stop popping out children and adopt if you want such a large family. People like you (and the Duggars) might not be mooching off the government but you are using your fair share of environmental resources and more. This would include the amount of water, plastic, paper, gasoline (for your large SUV, which is bad enough for the environment), and plenty else that your large family wastes. Agree so much with the person above me. STOP BREEDING, YOU HAVE ENOUGH.

nonmember avatar Amber

Wow, judge much?! She is talking about people just like you purple creeper! Stop being a sanctimommy and focus on your own family. It is HER life, HER family, and HER decision! Good for her, big families are great...I came from a family of 4 kids, and I have 2 and plan on having more...and it DOES piss me off when people ask me if I'm done...I have 2 girls and EVERYBODY assumes I want more so I can have a boy...yes, a boy would be nice and so would more girls! I just want more children :)

jagam... jagamama0710

Wow. Bitchy response there purple_creeper. WTF? Mind your own business because you don't get to decide how many children people have, thankfully. 

jagam... jagamama0710

The same goes to you to Courtney. 

Destiny Hall Lewis

The world is NOT overpopulated. It is OVERUN by idiots. If there were more people out there like this family, and not the families who have babydadda 1, 2, 3, 4.... and so on, that suck our resources dry from the functional people, you'd never hear a word about overpopulation. I for one am thrilled to hear of a happy, healthy, large, non tax dollar draining family. MAYBE one day those type of families will retake the power balance again, and put an end to what our real problem is... People who SHOULDN'T procreate at all, and yet have 8+ kids, most of which start popping them out in their teens, then suck MY TAX DOLLARS and yours dry for the next  God knows how long...  I have three daughters myself, and EVEN whe we qualified for Public Aid as my husband was a young Airman, WE DIDN'T USE IT!!!

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