The Worst Thing I Ever Accidentally Did to My Baby

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I thought I had hit an all-time parenting low the first time I accidentally slammed my baby's head into the unyielding wood of a doorway frame. The thwock! of his tiny, still-forming skull haunts me to this day.

Of course, that was before I dumped a pile of baby powder on him, which he instantly inhaled; or the time I managed to bang my arms on the crib rail and drop him unceremoniously to the mattress; or the day I discovered—after he drank the contents—that I'd accidentally handed him a sippy cup with mold coating the inside of the lid.

As bad as those moments were, I have to say, nothing has really topped the time I burned chemical capsicum into his soft, dewy face.

Okay, here's how it happened. One day a few years ago, I was feeling sort of extra fancy, thanks to the payoff of some major postpartum weight loss efforts. After spending so many weeks living in sweatpants with unwashed hair, I had the desire for a little cosmetic indulgence. So even though I was only getting ready to go to the grocery store or somewhere equally unexciting, I paused to take the unusual-for-me step of applying a lip plumper.

A full 20 minutes or so after putting on what I swear was a tiny amount of this ridiculous lip-irritating goo, I absentmindedly kissed my son on the cheek. And ... uh ... well.


Remember that scene in Fight Club when Brad Pitt licks his lips and coats them with lye, before burning his lip print into the back of Edward Norton’s hand? That’s soooooort of what I did to my own child:


Now, despite his woebegone expression in this photo, he actually didn’t seem to notice it at all, but I watched in sheer horror as two red lip-shaped marks instantly appeared on his cheek. Despite my careful swabbing with cold water and a soft cloth, the marks soon turned into raised WELTS.


I BURNED A KISS INTO MY BABY'S FACE. Yeah, I'd say that beats a dose of sippy cup mold, wouldn't you?


The good news is that the marks disappeared entirely about a half hour later, the bad news is that I stupidly told my husband about it, who acted as though I had purposefully crammed toothpicks in the boy’s eyesockets. “Why,” he asked dramatically, “would you even WEAR something that BURNS?”


Frankly, I didn't have a good answer for that. I still don't, really. Did this painful product give me Angelina Jolie's mouth? No it did not. Did it sear a skin irritant into the delicate flesh of my firstborn child? It sure did.


I threw away my "Lip Venom" after that, which made a nice spot on my cosmetics shelf for that coveted award I'd apparently been angling for: MOTHER OF THE YEAR.


Can you top this story, when it comes to accidental parenting screw-ups? (Not that you'd want to, but ... come on, tell me I'm not the only one who's done something this stupid.)



Image via Linda Sharps

childcare, safety, skin care

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momto... momtolittleg

Wow.  I've never even heard of that stuff.  Innocent mistake, in my opinion.


I dropped the remote control on my baby's head when she was a week or two old.  Technically it SLID off the back of the couch onto her noggin, but it made a HORRIBLE sound.  I don't think she really cried, but I felt horrible about it.  I've also done the thing where you whack their head on the doorframe.  Yeowch.

fraoch fraoch

My worst was when I took my 3 year old to my 9 year olds cheer competition. (Years ago, they're 9 & 15 now) After it was over, the normal huge crowd of people who watched the show were trying to leave so I figured I'd  put the baby on my shoulders b/c she won't get lost in the shuffle that way.


We're walking out of the auditoriam and I hear people yelling behind me but didn't turn to look, I wanted to go home, I should have looked. We went maybe 4 steps and I slammed the baby's head off the bottom of a stairway. You heard the thunk over everyone talking & the people behind me yelling (obviously to get my attention)



So not only did I hurt my baby, she had a massive goose egg, I did it while thinking I was doing a good mom thing LOL

mrspi... mrspierce06

My twins were about a year old or close to it and we went to walmart.  One sat in the front child seat of the cart, the othe was in the basket part.  Of course she stood up and reached for the liquid baby formula on the shelf we were near.  I saw her reach so I turned the cart away so she wouldn't be able to grab the bottles well she fell right over the side of the cart to the floor.  I ran around expecting puddles of blood but she was just goose egged and crying of course.  I felt terrible, I mean what was the worst that could happen if she grabbed the bottle off the shelf? It might break and make a mess.  Instead I practically threw my child out of the cart.  She was totally fine and I took her to the pediatrician anyways who said she was fine and not to worry about it.

madam... madamekatekate

Your husband's reaction is pretty funny. I mean, not at the time, but now that the kiss mark cleared up and your baby is now much bigger and healthy and Lip Venom kiss mark-less. Innocent mistake with no permanent damage.



Once I set my first daughter down for a nap. Gave her her sippy cup (don't freak, we were having a rough week and she had just finished lunch...It was a once-in-a-blue-moon thing!) It was a new cup and I didn't realize it until I got her up 2-3 hours later that the plastic on the tip of the spout was still partially connected. The cup was still full and she was trying her damndest to drink but couldn't. And I felt so much guilt I told no one but my husband. He laughed and asked how she was after her nap (fine, just thirsty) and if she fussed at all (not a bit), but I couldn't get the picture of her in her bed sucking so hard on that sippy cup with tears welling in her eyes SO THIRSTY MOMMY WHYYY!



LOL, I'm glad I can laugh about it...now.

babya... babyanderson

I accidentally got my 4yo son in the cheek with a fish hook. It didn't even go in enough to bleed and he never cried but it freaked us both out big time!

xanth... xanthian41691

My child's not born yet (5 weeks to go!!) but I've babysat a lot of siblings/cousins/friends' kids, etc. Ten years ago when I met my dad & step mom my sister was about a year old. He'd just gotten custody of me and we had to move into a bigger place. Well I was in my room putting stuff away when she came in and wanted to play. So I layed on my back and put her in the air with my feet on her belly. I leaned back a bit too far and hit her head off the vacuum cleaner sitting near my wall. I felt AWFUL because she was crying like I'd broken her arm. Thankfully there was just a little pink mark and no permanent damage 

Stacey. Stacey.

My baby fell off my bed a few months ago when I was standing right next to her doing my hair. If that wasn;t bad enough, she fell off the bed again a few days ago while I was getting her crib sheet changed. Both times I was thisclose to her. It hurt me more than her, and I will never forget having to pick her up twice from falling and it was entirely my fault.


 


Side note:I LOVE Lip Venom

LKRachel LKRachel

thanks for sharing!!  We've all done stuff like this (ok maybe not EXACTLY like this lol) but it's nice to know we all make mistakes!

Marilyn C. Cole

I don't have kids yet, but I do have a little scar about an inch under my eye from when I was about a year old.  My mom says she just turned away from me in the grocery cart for ONE second, and somehow I divebombed out of it and into the metal corner of the grocery store shelf.  I hear it was really bloody, so she didn't know in the first few seconds whether it had gotten my EYE.  Luckily not!

aaf237 aaf237

My oldest DD still has a scar on her nose.  We were filling a baby pool with water from the ocean (don't ask) on the beach with buckets.  I didn't know she was behind me and after I dumped mine and went to go get more, I swung the bucket back and her nose gushed blood, it cut it right open!!  I couldn't poor salt water on it and she was screaming, thankfully some lady brought us a bottle of water to clean her somewhat up so we could get back up to the hotel.  She still tells people, "my mom hit me with a bucket" when they ask about her scar....epic fail! im sorry

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