Thanks to Facebook's plethora of braggy sharers, I get to hear all the time about sleep-happy babies who, at 10 weeks old, just fell asleep at 8:00 one night and then didn't wake up again until the sun rose the next morning. Well, that's real nice for them, but at almost 3 months old, my babies are nowhere near sleeping through the night. In fact, despite the fact that they'll now go almost five hours between feedings at night (hurray!), starting around 2 a.m., at least one of them will keep waking up every hour until they get fed again around 4:30.
Why do they do that? Not sure, let me go ask them .... They said it's 'cause they like to paaaaaartay. No, no, we all know babies can't talk because, if they could, I would be able to tell them to go the f&^k to sleep. This Mommy is run-down, tired, and consistently feels a cold coming on. So, I'm counting the days until I can sleep train my babies. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
Look, I knew when I decided to have babies that my nights of long, peaceful slumber would be over, and that the rewards of parenthood far outweighed the beauty of dreamland. Still, sleep is freaking awesome, it's freaking awesome! I don't know why I didn't appreciate it more when I was having it. You know how some people will watch a Sandals commercial and wish they were on a tropical beach somewhere? Well, I watch Serta commercials and wish I was right there next to that smiley old guy, snoozing away. And I'm not asking for a miracle 10-hour stretch of sleep, I'm not. I'd just love five or six hours of uninterrupted slumber. Is that so much to ask?
Unfortunately, I still have at least a few weeks to go because the pediatrician refused to even discuss sleep training with me until their 3-month appointment. I get it, and I'm totally okay with waiting until they're big enough and mature enough to handle it. Still, that hasn't stopped me from obsessing about sleep training, reading different methods online, and asking every parent I know what they did to get their babies to sleep longer. We have the whole bedtime routine down, the noise machine, dream feeding, total darkness. They're eating more food during the day, to the point that they only take about half their bottles at night. So now I just gotta get them to stop bopping around during that middle-of-the-night stretch! But how to do it?
I've heard great things about Sleepy Planet, the idea being that you increase your baby's intake of food during the day and start to diminish it at night until you've ultimately "dropped" those feedings. But, there is some degree of crying it out until your well-fed baby realizes he doesn't need that midnight snack.
A couple of people have mentioned the Baby Wise method to me as well, which talks a lot about putting your babies on a schedule during the day with feeding and play and naps to help them sleep better at night. Apparently it's controversial because these dudes aren't MDs, and many are opposed to the idea of telling your baby how it is, rather than vice versa. But, as the mother of twins, I've had to schedule them from the beginning, so it's an approach that I'm totally comfortable with.
And then, of course, there is the Ferber Method. Oh yes, that mean, evil, terrible Ferberizing, right? From what I've read and heard though, its bad rap is unwarranted. Apparently, there's more to it than just crying it out. And, my friends who have done it totally swear by it, and have happy, healthy, loving children to prove it. So I'm not convinced there's anything wrong with letting them cry it out until they learn to self-soothe. But with twins, I'm not sure I can do that because won't they both just keep waking each other up?
Regardless, almost all of the sleep training methods that have been recommended to me seem to involve crying it out in some form or another. Some may give tips on how to make it easier on your little ones, or ensure their needs are met while you're teaching them to self-soothe. But, ultimately, if you want your baby to sleep through the night, it sounds like he or she is just going to have to get with the program. Let's be honest here: You're basically telling your little ones, "You're going to eat and sleep when I tell you to, and if you start to complain, I'm going to ignore it over variable stretches until you suck it up and get over it, m'kay?" Okay, yeah, it sounds bad -- no wonder so many people are opposed to sleep training!
But, I'm not one of them! I am ALL for it! Big fan of sleeping babies, that's me! And I know that I'm not the only Mommy who's desperate to start sleeping again. As far as I'm concerned, the more rested I am, the better parent I'll be. Think about it: if you were hiring a babysitter, would you want the kid who's all sleepy and foggy-brained or the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed one who's totally pumped about spending hours with your kid? I'm not sure I'd even hire me to babysit in my current state!
So, yes, if my babies don't seem to grow out of this up-every-hour thing, you can be sure that I'll be sleep training them. I'm going to ask the pediatrician and my Mommy and Me group what they recommend for twins. No, I don't think it makes me a selfish parent -- I think it makes me a realistic one, and ultimately, it'll make me a better parent too. A baby that sleeps well is, without question, going to be happier and healthier. The more predictability in their routine, the safer and more comforted they will feel. And as a Mommy, I'm pretty sure that once I start sleeping more than a few hours at a stretch, I'm inevitably going to feel happier and healthier too, and better able to take the best possible care of my children.
What method did you use to get your baby to sleep through the night?
Image via geckotales/Flickr
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Comments 49
Do what feels right for you and your family and what works for you and your babies. However, from my personal experience and those of the ones around me, unless you are one of the lucky few, hardly anything works until they hit a certain weight. I've found the magical number to be somewhere around 15 pounds. With my first we kind of did a "fuss it out" method. If he was just fussing, we would go in every 10 minutes and comfort him, but not pick him up or anything. However, if he was full on crying, I never could let him "cry it out." It would break my heart! I have found with my little one, who is now 4 months, that sometimes if I catch him stirring before he fully wakes up, I can give him his pacifier and get another hour or so out of him. I'm not sure if you are using one, but it might be worth a try. And I know it's probably not a good habit, but if I'm desperate for sleep and he isn't having it, then it's in to bed with me!
Sadly, my 16 month old still doesn't sleep through the night. Blah. But I cannot even imagine what it's like to have two babies that don't sleep - one has been tough enough! I did sleep training with my DS at 4 months (when he was only sleeping for 45 minutes in a row at night, and then getting up for an hour). Even though he still doesn't sleep through, he got a lot better, and the difference with sleep training was night and day. I went from having a cranky, overtired baby who wasn't very responsive to a calm, alert, happy baby in under two weeks. And I went from being on the edge of crazy to having the time and patience to enjoy my son. Hope that you get some rest soon!
We were very lucky with my daughter she slept through the night after the second month I discovered that she wasn't really eating much during that midnight feeding it was more just about being held and soothed so I just stoppped feeding her and held her she fell right to sleep and stayed sleeping, after awhile I stopped picking her up when she'd cry during the night instead just going in her room and rubbing her back or humming or just some kind of soothing noise or touch eventually I stopped that and she was fine. Realistically she probably would have been just fine cutting me off cold turkey the transition phase was more for me than her :)
We did a mix of things, starting with some set ideas and then adjusting to what worked with our kiddo. We mostly followed Babywise but did it pretty loosely. When it came to "crying it out", we only let him cry for a set amount of time. If he was still crying at the end of that time, we went and got him. If his cry changed or got distressed, we went to him immediately. Most of the time, he fell asleep surprisingly fast. He's now a toddler who goes to bed and down for naps super easily (most of the time, anyway - nobody is perfect!).
I have no regrets about sleep training. I plan on doing it again with my next baby, adjusting to that baby's needs and rolling with the punches. Because I need sleep. My body needs a copious amount of sleep in order to function properly. Sleep makes me a better, more patient mom during the day. And I am not ashamed of that.
Okay, go ahead, Anti Sleep Training Advocates. Flog me.
I didn't do any sort of sleep training until 7 months, and even then I would work on small thing. My dd only started sleeping through the night at about 11 1/2 months... oh man, but it's been BEAUTIFUL. I waited more for me than her, really... and I really believe you have to do what's right for your familiy. I really liked the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child because it outlines what healthy sleep looks like (babies usually go to bed earlier than we think, how many and how long of naps, etc.). DD goes to bed at 6:30pm and sleep until about 7pm. Two naps a day. Good luck!
So let me get this straight...you think that a 4 month old is "big" and "mature" enough to be neglected by their mother???? You need some serious help. A baby will sleep through the night when he/she is good and ready. When you became a mother, you should have realized that you would have to give some things up. Sleep is one of them. Well, not for me. I breastfed and coslept, so I got a good amount of sleep when my son was a baby. Regardless, sleep training your child is irresponsible and it's selfish to put your needs ahead of your child's.