Could You Have Your Best Friend's Baby?

on October 4, 2011 at 2:15 PM

have best friend baby There are a lot of amazing ways you can add to your family today. With the constant innovations in fertility treatments, technology, and worldwide adoption, it's amazing what a couple can do to get a baby when the traditional methods don't quite work out. But this story has me slack-jawed over not only one woman's generosity, but the other woman's restraint.

Instead of using a surrogate through an agency, two best friends decided that they could work out the surrogate thing between themselves. When Logan (not her real name) offered up her womb to Tamara (also not her real name), these ladies ignored any potential complications and instead decided to make a baby together.

First of all, that's an unbelievable best friend. Secondly, how difficult is this relationship going to be to negotiate now that it's been taken to this level?

When Tamara almost lost her first baby who was born a micro-preemie due to preeclampsia and HELPP syndrome, she knew she wouldn't be able to carry another baby, even though she and her husband desperately wanted more children. Logan and Tamara met at the local library during story time and became fast friends, which was incredibly lucky for Tamara since Logan offered to carry a baby for her. I've never met anyone at the library like that, have you? Wow.

Logan had a baby for her best friend. I feel weird asking friends to dog-sit. How do you pay back such generosity? But that's just a minor issue compared to the propriety both women must feel. Initially as Logan carries the embryo created from Tamara's egg and her husband's sperm, Tamara must be like, "Do you really have to walk that fast? Why are you driving during rush hour? Did you need that fifth slice of pizza, really?" Unlike when you hire a surrogate, you see your best friend all the time, and you know her lifestyle choices. Suddenly her ability to do the splits on demand isn't such an adorable party trick.

Then flip it once the baby is born. Are you prepared to watch the child you carried in your womb being raised by another couple? One that you see all the time? What happens if you don't agree with her method of discipline? Or what's packed in her lunch box?

While all of these questions may be in the back of your mind, as a surrogate, you don't have the benefit of seeing that child grow up right in front of your eyes. The mom isn't calling you to complain about the latest tantrum.

Logan and Tamara have got to be two incredible women to be able to negotiate this relationship. Hats off to these ladies, and congratulations on their new bundle of joy. Here's hoping that baby will get the benefit of two moms throughout her life.

Could you do this, on either side?

Image via Khaled El-Hage/Flickr

About the author April Peveteaux

writes about anything that gets stuck in her craw. A mom of two in Los Angeles, she can't believe she practically lives in the country now after attempting to raise kids in Brooklyn.

Filed Under: childbirth, ivf

Comments (31)

Nonmember comment from Shelly

on Oct 4, 2011 at 2:18 PM

No freaking way. I would NEVER do that for any human being. I would also never ask that of anyone. I would be happy with what I had, instead of pining after what my body has clearly told me is not going to happen. Or...here's an idea...ADOPT. Sheesh.

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Kritika

on Oct 4, 2011 at 2:44 PM

I am 26 and am facing potential fertility issues. My big sister said she will be a surrogate for me if it comes down to it. I I can't even put into words how thankful I am to have a sister like that. Hopefully it won't happen, but I'm glad to know she's there if me and my husband need her. I'd consider adoption, but for the cost and the experience of having this bond between my sister and I, I'd rather go this route.

Nonmember comment from anonymous

on Oct 4, 2011 at 3:12 PM

Recently, my best friend has learned she may have fertility issues, & I volunteered to be a surrogate for her if that's the case (she brought it up). We have similar views, & it would be completely her child in the end. I think its a wonderful, selfless act of love to do such a thing for your best friend. She has always wanted children, lots of them & I would be almost as devastated as her if she lost that oppurtunity. I guess its just whether or not you are comfortable with it.

Facebook comment from Billie Jo Evans

on Oct 4, 2011 at 3:14 PM

I would love to have the opportunity to provide family members or friends with the gift of parenthood, not with my own eggs though. They would have to provide a fertilized egg for implantation, but I've literally been told each time I gave birth that my body was definitely made for child birth. With my last baby, once I was fully dilated it only took 1 push and *poof* she was born, lol. I would love to be able to do it for someone else.

1sweetlea

on Oct 4, 2011 at 3:17 PM

I would do it in a heartbeat for a friend or family member! In fact I plan on being a surrogate at least once when I am done having babies of my own. I think it is a wonderful gift to give someone that can't do it. Plus I rocked at being pregnant & loved every moment of it. I never felt more beautiful in my life then when I was pregnant with my son.

Lovemykidstw

on Oct 4, 2011 at 3:32 PM

I would do it in a second for my best friend! There is not a greater gift that you can give someone! However I don't know how I'd feel if someone else offered to be a surrogate for me. Of course I'd be grateful, but I am controlling & like things to be my way donor wouldbe hard not to be bossy.

dirtiekittie

on Oct 4, 2011 at 3:43 PM

i made that promise to my best friend many, many years ago on a narrow stairwell in the apartment building while drinking sometime before dawn. it was one of those all night conversations where you learn about someone's soul. she knew at 19 she most likely wouldn't be able to have children. i cried with her that night and promised her if i could ever help by being a surrogate or provide my eggs, i would. we live in different states now, but still talk and she knows the offer is still on the table. she would be a great mom and if i could help with a miracle - why the heck not?

oh, and @shelly - i happen to think you're not totally incorrect in your logic about adoption, but your crass and demeaning comment to get that point across takes away from what you're saying. you don't have to be so condescending in suggesting adoption.

jalaz77

on Oct 4, 2011 at 3:49 PM

As long as it was not my DNA (her egg not mine) then yes I would in a heartbeat!! Adoption can be a more difficult, longer, more emotional of a process @Shelly. Have adopted or see what people go through in adoption?? It's not as easy as what these friends did.

hutchfam2007

on Oct 4, 2011 at 3:54 PM

What an amazing gift. While I would like to say I would do this for a friend or family member, I just dont know that I could. Pregnancy is not easy on me, I had hyperemesis gravardiam (sp) with my first and have lost 5% of my body weight due to morning sickness with this one and am only 9weeks. So after all the triumphs and tribulations of pregnancy, I dont think I could emotionally give the baby to its rightful parents. On the flip side, my best friend is a pregnancy goddess and she offered up her uterus to me if I ever needed it before I knew I was able to have children. :) It takes a very strong person, without a doubt!

jpfsmom

on Oct 4, 2011 at 4:43 PM

It's a beautiful gift but it comes with issues (rare but things to consider) I know two friends that did this and the one carrying the child had ALL sorts of complications, she was on a bed rest, she we went into labor early, baby was in NICU and the worst of it all, guess who ended up having a stroke? Yes Bio Mom, guess who had to pay for all the post care? (PT etc) and not only that their newborn had a slew of health issues, they love their child, they are thankful for the surrogate friend's sacrifice but it came with a LOT of baggage....