16 Things You Can't Wear Once You're a Mom

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woman in mini dress and high heelsThe women who say that nothing changed once they became a mom are pretty little liars. I'm 21 months into motherhood and not only have some of my kid-less friends disappeared just like my once happily plump rear-end, but there are things I used to wear all the time that have been pushed to the back of the closet.

I'm not saying moms can't be stylish. They sure can. Nor am I saying that we have to now only be seen in some really antiquated view of what 'mom clothes' should be. Not saying that at all. What I am saying is that some things are ... well ... just more challenging to wear once you become a mama.

See if you agree ...

Moms can no longer wear:

1. Strapless anything. Unless of course you don't mind your kid pulling down your top when you least expect it for the whole playground to see your breasts as your little one screams "MILKIES!"

2. Low cut shirts. See above. Kids hands are quick!

3. High heels. Specifically the stiletto heel. Unless you want to break an ankle. I did wear them all through my pregnancy (until the end when no pair of shoes even fit anymore). But once my twins arrived, those sex kitten heels only come out on adult nights out. Wedges however, totally do-able ... unless they are on a high platform. 

4. Lipstick. I love me some berry tinted lips. But I don't love that berry tint all over my baby's cheeks. So I avoid when with the kids because I can't avoid kissing them!

5. Perfume. Honestly it's no longer needed especially when you have that new baby scent all over you.

6. Short skirts. Mini skirts + bending over to pick up your kid's lovie in the supermarket = X-Rated mommy.

7. Non-stretch jeans. You know the kind you have to wiggle into and then lay down on the bed to get zipped up? Uh, yeah. Try running after your toddler in those. I have agita just thinking about it.

8. Things with sequins. Kids think it's dessert.

9. Pants with too many buttons and snaps and requires a belt. Have you ever tried to pee with a baby in your arms? It takes the skill of one arm and an elastic waist.

10. Dangling earrings. Unless you are going for a barbaric way of stretching to a 0 gauge. 

11. Really tight shirts. Not conducive to nursing moms.

12. Hair down. You don't have to cut it all if you don't want to, but you may want to get it out of your kid's reach unless you enjoy torture and practicing face contortions.

13. Necklaces. Can be a chocking hazard for the kid and you. Also, most likely to break. Just like ...

14. Glasses. Little hands love spectacles. They snatch 'em off your face and run away. My husband's pair are taped together.

15. White. Unless you don't mind it being the day's canvas with stains that will never come out.

16. Dry-clean only clothes. Unless you are rich.

Of course you can wear any and all of these things when out without the kids. But wear that really tight shirt, mini skirt, and heels all together with caution, mama, because dayum you still look good.

What items do you find are more challenging to wear once becoming a mom?

 

Image via xlordashx/Flickr

time for mom, motherhood, clothes

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godmo... godmomsupreme

1 piece bathing suit - gotta pee in the public bathroom, you're stripped down and your kid opens the stall door...

sandr... sandraberke

so0o0 AGREE to this !!!< except now that i AM a mom i HAVE to wear a one piece bathing suit lol

Kristina Lawler Funk

I disagree with glasses. My eyes are too dry for contacts, even the ones made for people with chronic dry eye. It takes some work but eventually your kids WILL stop trying to mess with your glasses.

Brooke McConnell Adametz

Hilarious and alllll true! Can't we just do away with strapless altogether?? Looks horrible on anyone- even slim women! :)

momto... momtolittleg

I agree with all of those, not that I wore them BEFORE I had a kid.  I absolutely love my no-break glasses now!  They have been tossed across the room by my daughter, and i didn't even flinch.  They're perfect for having a kid!

nonmember avatar Monzie

Also, dark-colored shirts will have crusty milk stains on the shoulders. And black pants will have mysterious white gunk splats...boogers? barf? baby food?...all of the above.

jalaz77 jalaz77

My glasses are so bent out of shape its not even funny!! My glasses got left and right hooked everytime I breast fed my kids. I just need new ones that I can wear away from the kids. I agree mommas can be stylish but that is so hard to do around your kids, a night on the town is a different story. Clothes around my kids consist of yoga pants, occ jeans, flip flops and mens hanes t-shirts! I look at my closet and want to cry some days because I have outgrown everything!! I have myself to blame, not my kids : ( 

surfg... surfgrl60

amen! But A LOT of moms wear that stuff! You would never catch me in a Mini anything!

keyseys keyseys

I don't wear any earrings anymore, even if they're just little studs. My son will yank on them when I least expect it. lol

Rachel Schiller

I wear my glasses all the time, I can't see without them and contacts are too expensive to wear every day. And the kids learn very fast that if they mess with my glasses the hammer will come down. And it helps that they stay on my face all day.

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