I was going through some old baby clothes a few months ago and I stumbled across a terrible outfit I'd received as a baby gift for my first son. At first glance it was almost sort of cute, but the more you looked at it, the worse it got. First of all, it was pure white with a bit of blue piping, the sort of thing that gets soiled beyond repair about 0.0001 seconds after you wrestle your baby into it. Not only that, it had about 3,915 buttons, which created a perfect combination of being both hellishly difficult to deal with AND providing a vast army of choking hazards. Finally, it had this goofy collar that not only seemed scratchy and uncomfortable, but possessed the eerie power to transform any adorable infant into a total baby dorkface.
Revisiting this outfit got me thinking about how in the midst of all the painfully cute onesies and beautiful heirloom blankets that are available out there, there are still plenty of spectacularly putrid baby fashions. For instance:
Baby high heels, specifically for infants size 0-6 months. Look, I don't want to judge if you enjoy dressing up your child up in these novelty crib shoes, but, uhhhhh, are you INSANE? I mean, I'm sure it's all in good fun and all but ... yeah, I think you are probably insane.
Ditto with the insanity verdict to anyone who plugs these godawful novelty pacifiers in their baby's mouth. My evil coworker gave me one of these when my first son was born, which was a pretty good indicator of just how special our working relationship was.
"My first bikini" for the toddler crowd. Yes, every little baby girl needs her own string bikini! Which, by the way, is too small to cover a diaper! CLEANUP ON AISLE OH MY GOD WHAT IS YOUR KID WEARING.
I don't know if you can technically call this a fashion accessory, but what is wrong with the world that a perfume for babies even exists? "Just spray a bit of the fragrance on baby’s hair brush or on baby’s clothes to make baby smell lovely and special"? Right, let's cover up that godawful baby-head smell, which every mother secretly detests.
Finally, the biggest offender, if only for this unbelievable commercial.
Huggies, not only did you make diapers that look like jorts, but you marketed them with a weird ad that features women who are apparently sexually attracted to a BABY, while a sleazy Euro-voiceover seems to be saying, "My diaper is full ... full of shit." You win for worst baby fashion fail of all time.
Are you with me on these awful baby fashion trends? Did I miss anything?
Images via Heelarious, Amazon, Babikini, Minipompom, YouTube
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Comments 68
The baby bikini isn't the smartest idea (human poop has gobs of nasty bacteria that can sicken anyone), but the worse idea IS THE NECKLACE! How many times does the CPSC and parenting mags tell you NOT to put necklaces on babies? Or havy ANY sort of string/rubberband/cords in their reach?
I do not like the heels, but the pacifiers are cute as a gag gift!
I have to admit, I think the Huggies diaper commerical is cute, but I get your point. As for the bikini, hell no! My child won't be wearing one- ever!! I don't get why people sit back and scratch their heads when their teen daughter turns up preganant when the parents allow the girls to dress like $2 street walkers- and this is just starting out earlier! Advertising your kids for the perverts is sooooo not cool! And to the lady who commented that her babies wear the little bikini's to be like mom, well, I guess that says a little something about mom! Some baby bikinis are cute- the ones that actually cover their business, but the one pictured here is just wrong!!!
The string bikini is just awful in my opinion. I have seen some of my friends put there daughters in some cute 2 pieces but they covered quite a bit. If we ever have a daughter, I won't be putting her in a two piece for quite some time. Just makes me uneasy. The baby heels and pacifer are cute as a joke for maybe like a funny picture for a scrap book. The perfume.....wow.
It is not the fact that it is a bikini that is the problem, it is the fact that it is a teeny tiny string bikini. There are a lot of super cute bikinis out there but this one is way to sexy, and sexy on a baby is stupid and ridiculous! I think the heels are super cute, and the paci is funny and would totally buy one for a funny gag gift for a close friend.
The other stuff is lame - not the worst ever but lame all the same.
Two pieces rock for the bathroom factor. Binkinis suck because I hate putting on sun screen. Tankinis and sun shirts are the way to go!
I think the teeth are hilarious and would do the heels to be funny.
The perfume makes me SICK and so does the bikini.
The bikini is a no-go for me. I can understand a two-piece (makes diaper changes easier), but there's no need for a toddler to be in a string bikini. The perfume is a bit ridiculous to me too. Everything else is kinda cute.
My biggest issue with the bikini, other than being smaller than one I would wear myself? There is NO WAY a swim diaper, disposable or otherwise, can fit under that, so basically if she goes swimming, everyone else in the pool is also swimming in her pee and poop. Disgusting and rude.