I was going through some old baby clothes a few months ago and I stumbled across a terrible outfit I'd received as a baby gift for my first son. At first glance it was almost sort of cute, but the more you looked at it, the worse it got. First of all, it was pure white with a bit of blue piping, the sort of thing that gets soiled beyond repair about 0.0001 seconds after you wrestle your baby into it. Not only that, it had about 3,915 buttons, which created a perfect combination of being both hellishly difficult to deal with AND providing a vast army of choking hazards. Finally, it had this goofy collar that not only seemed scratchy and uncomfortable, but possessed the eerie power to transform any adorable infant into a total baby dorkface.
Revisiting this outfit got me thinking about how in the midst of all the painfully cute onesies and beautiful heirloom blankets that are available out there, there are still plenty of spectacularly putrid baby fashions. For instance:
Baby high heels, specifically for infants size 0-6 months. Look, I don't want to judge if you enjoy dressing up your child up in these novelty crib shoes, but, uhhhhh, are you INSANE? I mean, I'm sure it's all in good fun and all but ... yeah, I think you are probably insane.
Ditto with the insanity verdict to anyone who plugs these godawful novelty pacifiers in their baby's mouth. My evil coworker gave me one of these when my first son was born, which was a pretty good indicator of just how special our working relationship was.
"My first bikini" for the toddler crowd. Yes, every little baby girl needs her own string bikini! Which, by the way, is too small to cover a diaper! CLEANUP ON AISLE OH MY GOD WHAT IS YOUR KID WEARING.
I don't know if you can technically call this a fashion accessory, but what is wrong with the world that a perfume for babies even exists? "Just spray a bit of the fragrance on baby’s hair brush or on baby’s clothes to make baby smell lovely and special"? Right, let's cover up that godawful baby-head smell, which every mother secretly detests.
Finally, the biggest offender, if only for this unbelievable commercial.
Huggies, not only did you make diapers that look like jorts, but you marketed them with a weird ad that features women who are apparently sexually attracted to a BABY, while a sleazy Euro-voiceover seems to be saying, "My diaper is full ... full of shit." You win for worst baby fashion fail of all time.
Are you with me on these awful baby fashion trends? Did I miss anything?
Images via Heelarious, Amazon, Babikini, Minipompom, YouTube
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Comments 68
Did you mean "The Most Jaw-Droppingly Awful Baby Fasion Failures"? There's no such thing as a fail. Fail is a verb.
I like the heels! I think they're cute. My baby girl has adorable clothes, which I totally match her bows and shoes to, and I would totally put her in those for kicks. ...Get it? Kicks? LOL, just being silly, but seriously, they're cute. She also wears two peice suits, but nothing that trashy. The two peice suis with protection built in. And perfume? No... But I do use scented lotion, the Johnsons lavender and chamomile lotion, every morning and again before bed. It keeps her skin soft and I love the smell!
Ahhh here we go again with the 'bikini' argument!! I LOVE two peices for babies/toddlers. It is SOOOO much easier to remove the swimmy diaper then if it was a one peice. When I was a little girl, I ALWAYS had a two peice --- WHY??? Because a one peice made ME feel uncomfortable when I would go to the bathroom!! Sitting there feeling completely 'exposed' with my (almost) entire body was HORRIBLE for me as a kid!!
Besides, if I'm AT the pool --- EXACTLY how far do you think my infant/toddler is going to wonder away from me??? So the 'pediphile' argument is really a non-issue!!!
If YOU are looking at a toddler in a two piece and think (even to yourself) that mom and dad are trying to sexualize their child, I'm DISGUSTED!! (pukes a bit in my mouth)
I have a huge problem with the lil girls in bikinis........... its like saying hey pediophille .......... look over here!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah.................. WOuldnt even dare to put a lil girl in one............... as for the rest... beyond stupid LOL. but i do like the jean diapers, hubby wanted them but we dont use huggies with the twins...... too bad though! but commercial was herendous!
Hey SuburbanMom190 can I just say, FAIL! You made a typo in your insult! LMAO!
Yeah I agree with the OP on this one. Except some of the pacifiers are kind of cute, just not that one.
And um, yeah, I use disposable diapers and I'm not jealous of ANYTHING about cloth diapering except maybe the price. Why would I be jealous that your diapers have a print on them when it's just covered with cloths (the same cloths my kid wears) anyways? Not to mention, I can use the covers on my kids too. Like I plan to use the little covers on my daughter when she wears dresses. There is absolutely nothing to be jealous of. Enjoy cleaning poopy diapers while I just throw mine away and go on with my day.
Um...I'll pass on all of those for my babies...with the bikinis, my issue is not just the appropriateness, but the sun exposure. I take sun protection pretty seriously. Whenever we've had my son outside in his kiddie pool he wears a t-shirt in addition to his little swim trunks. And if I have daughters someday, their skin will be covered and protected as much as possible, too.
While I DO agree you have to be VERY picky about what bikini's you put your girls in and WHERE they wear them out to, I don't think that they are as awful as everyone is saying.
My daughter is four and has one bikini; her butt cheeks don't hang out and the top covers her whole chest & she only wears the bikini when she swims in OUR pool in OUR yard. And I do NOT put pictures of her in it on Facebook - if I want my family to see how freaking cute she looks in it, I send it directly to them.
Also, I don't think the heels are terrible - they're cute, lighten up a bit people. Don't take things so serious all the time!