I was going through some old baby clothes a few months ago and I stumbled across a terrible outfit I'd received as a baby gift for my first son. At first glance it was almost sort of cute, but the more you looked at it, the worse it got. First of all, it was pure white with a bit of blue piping, the sort of thing that gets soiled beyond repair about 0.0001 seconds after you wrestle your baby into it. Not only that, it had about 3,915 buttons, which created a perfect combination of being both hellishly difficult to deal with AND providing a vast army of choking hazards. Finally, it had this goofy collar that not only seemed scratchy and uncomfortable, but possessed the eerie power to transform any adorable infant into a total baby dorkface.
Revisiting this outfit got me thinking about how in the midst of all the painfully cute onesies and beautiful heirloom blankets that are available out there, there are still plenty of spectacularly putrid baby fashions. For instance:
Baby high heels, specifically for infants size 0-6 months. Look, I don't want to judge if you enjoy dressing up your child up in these novelty crib shoes, but, uhhhhh, are you INSANE? I mean, I'm sure it's all in good fun and all but ... yeah, I think you are probably insane.
Ditto with the insanity verdict to anyone who plugs these godawful novelty pacifiers in their baby's mouth. My evil coworker gave me one of these when my first son was born, which was a pretty good indicator of just how special our working relationship was.
"My first bikini" for the toddler crowd. Yes, every little baby girl needs her own string bikini! Which, by the way, is too small to cover a diaper! CLEANUP ON AISLE OH MY GOD WHAT IS YOUR KID WEARING.
I don't know if you can technically call this a fashion accessory, but what is wrong with the world that a perfume for babies even exists? "Just spray a bit of the fragrance on baby’s hair brush or on baby’s clothes to make baby smell lovely and special"? Right, let's cover up that godawful baby-head smell, which every mother secretly detests.
Finally, the biggest offender, if only for this unbelievable commercial.
Huggies, not only did you make diapers that look like jorts, but you marketed them with a weird ad that features women who are apparently sexually attracted to a BABY, while a sleazy Euro-voiceover seems to be saying, "My diaper is full ... full of shit." You win for worst baby fashion fail of all time.
Are you with me on these awful baby fashion trends? Did I miss anything?
Images via Heelarious, Amazon, Babikini, Minipompom, YouTube