The Most Jaw-Droppingly Awful Baby Fashion Fails

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baby in bikiniI was going through some old baby clothes a few months ago and I stumbled across a terrible outfit I'd received as a baby gift for my first son. At first glance it was almost sort of cute, but the more you looked at it, the worse it got. First of all, it was pure white with a bit of blue piping, the sort of thing that gets soiled beyond repair about 0.0001 seconds after you wrestle your baby into it. Not only that, it had about 3,915 buttons, which created a perfect combination of being both hellishly difficult to deal with AND providing a vast army of choking hazards. Finally, it had this goofy collar that not only seemed scratchy and uncomfortable, but possessed the eerie power to transform any adorable infant into a total baby dorkface.

Revisiting this outfit got me thinking about how in the midst of all the painfully cute onesies and beautiful heirloom blankets that are available out there, there are still plenty of spectacularly putrid baby fashions. For instance:

baby high heels

Baby high heels, specifically for infants size 0-6 months. Look, I don't want to judge if you enjoy dressing up your child up in these novelty crib shoes, but, uhhhhh, are you INSANE? I mean, I'm sure it's all in good fun and all but ... yeah, I think you are probably insane.

 buck tooth pacifier

Ditto with the insanity verdict to anyone who plugs these godawful novelty pacifiers in their baby's mouth. My evil coworker gave me one of these when my first son was born, which was a pretty good indicator of just how special our working relationship was.

baby in a bikini

"My first bikini" for the toddler crowd. Yes, every little baby girl needs her own string bikini! Which, by the way, is too small to cover a diaper! CLEANUP ON AISLE OH MY GOD WHAT IS YOUR KID WEARING.

baby perfume

I don't know if you can technically call this a fashion accessory, but what is wrong with the world that a perfume for babies even exists? "Just spray a bit of the fragrance on baby’s hair brush or on baby’s clothes to make baby smell lovely and special"? Right, let's cover up that godawful baby-head smell, which every mother secretly detests.

Finally, the biggest offender, if only for this unbelievable commercial.

Huggies, not only did you make diapers that look like jorts, but you marketed them with a weird ad that features women who are apparently sexually attracted to a BABY, while a sleazy Euro-voiceover seems to be saying, "My diaper is full ... full of shit." You win for worst baby fashion fail of all time.

Are you with me on these awful baby fashion trends? Did I miss anything?

 

Images via Heelarious, Amazon, Babikini, Minipompom, YouTube

baby gear, baby clothes

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Stacey Busenbark Sanders

I have the jean diapers...why? They were on clearance, and .11 cents cheaper per diaper than even the store brand...I figure they are covered up and just get peed in anyway...they are so ugly!

SandM... SandMsMama

ahahahahah too funny!! I hate to think someone would actually put their toddler in that bikini.. but yet bfing is inappropriate? what is wrong with America?!

oh and the diaper, that's just proof that all the sposie mommies are jealous of those of us who have totally adorable CLOTH!!

oOoLe... oOoLeilanioOo

Hey! My DD has had a bikini since she was a few months old, the bottoms can cover diapers though.

hutch... hutchfam2007

I like the baby high heels. They are cute :) lol. And the paci teeth, that is just too funny! But the bikini, no, no, no!!!!!! I dont even like the one piece I picked for my almost 3yo because her buttcheeks hang out of the sides after she plays for a while... Babies already smell soooooo good, why would you want to put purfume on them? plus you never know if your child will be allergic or sensitive to certain scents. I also find the jean diapers to be very cute! and SandMsMama is probably right, we are trying to copy cute cloth diapers!

nonmember avatar KMac

Leaving aside the ridiculousness of such a statement in the first place... "Sposie?" You CANNOT be serious.

momav... momavanessa

The Bikini................throwing up

Gina Anderegg Samm

My "babies" are all over 18, even so, I find all these RIDICULOUS!

Tali Gabai

My daughter has four of five of the baby bikinis. She's 5 years old and not only does she look adorable in them, she loves them because she gets to dress up like mommy. There are waaay worse baby gifts than any of those detailed in this article!

Christine Thompson

My daughter wears just a swim diaper (reusable, not one of those overpriced disposables). Why no top? Because there is NOTHING TO COVER!! An infant has no need for a bikini top or any other swimsuit!!!


 

John House

The guy is saying "full of chic", not "full of "sh*t".  But  I do agree with you about the tone of the commercial.  And the rest of it, particularly the bikini thing.  Anyone who puts their BABY in a bikini needs a mental eval, stat.  

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