New Mom Secret: My Baby Makes Me Feel Guilty About My Abortion

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It's hard being a new mom (or even an experienced mom to a new baby) and sometimes we do things we know we shouldn't, despite what all the experts say. But this is a safe place to share your secrets (PM me)—we'll never tell.

This Week's Secret:

Ten years ago, when I was 17, I had an abortion. I had just been accepted at a good university, was working hard to earn money to afford it, and had just broken up with my boyfriend. It was a horrible time to have a baby. So my mother took me to the clinic. I know it was the right thing to do. I have since finished college and graduate school. I have a great career and married a man with a great career, and we have plenty of money, a beautiful home, and now have a daughter who is 2 months old. But I can't stop thinking about my first pregnancy. What might she (I assume it was a she) have looked like? She would be 10 now. It's affecting my ability to bond with the baby who is here. -- Anonymous

This doesn't make you a bad mom. It makes you a good one. You have now been pregnant twice, one of which came at the right time and the right place in your life and the other didn't. We make all of our decisions with what we have with us at the time. And at the time, it sounds like you made the right choice.

You have no way of knowing if you had gone through with the pregnancy what might have happened. You might never have finished school. You might not have had a career, though you probably would have had a job. You may not have met your husband. It's the same for all the choices we make in our life, both minor and major.

Thinking about the abortion doesn't make you weird or crazy. Nor does it mean you made the wrong choice. You are where you are now because of all the decisions you made, and to me, it sounds like you're in a place to offer a real, stable home to a child.

I would recommend you talk to someone, though. It sounds like a therapist might be able to help you work through some of these feelings.

Do you have any advice for this mom?

 

Image via Pattybot/Flickr

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surfg... surfgrl60

Well, ( SHE ) could have been a HE.

nonmember avatar Amber

I am so sorry! I am going through the same exact thing...except I was a junior in high school and was sort of pressured into my decision by my mother and boyfriend because neither wanted to support me emotionally (or financially for that matter). It's been about 16 years now and although I have thought about it o er the years and have felt guilty from time to time nothing compares to the guilt I have felt these past few days when I am with my 3 month old daughter. I love her so much but have been crying after I put her to bed because I think about the things she does and how my aborted child never got a chance to do those things because of me. It's almost as if my good times and moments with my daughter are now tainted. Although I do not have advice for you (I am looking for some myself) I just want you to know you are not alone. It made me feel a little better after reading your story and relating to it so thank you!

nonmember avatar youngmommyof3

You murdered a baby in because you were selfish, and ya wonder why you feel guilty???? If you weren't ready for a child, ya keep your legs closed!

You do not even deserve the right to have another baby! And I hope to God your daughter will have morals and not grow up to be like you, a whore and a murderer!

nonmember avatar youngmommyof3

You murdered a baby in because you were selfish, and ya wonder why you feel guilty???? If you weren't ready for a child, ya keep your legs closed!

You do not even deserve the right to have another baby! And I hope to God your daughter will have morals and not grow up to be like you, a whore and a murderer!

Katlyn Hudgins

Once you feel a baby grow and give birth you can see just how precious life truly is. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes and love the baby you have here and now. Embrace the fact that you are not a new mother. It may make it easier to recognize that your abortion was a life and you could name him or her. It sounds silly but it truly helps. At the time you didnt see how precious the life was, now you can. It is okay to mourn the loss of a baby. There is no condemnation in Christ (all you haters out there look it up, the bible says so). Pray for your heavenly baby and pray for your earthly baby. Both of them are your children no matter what the circumstances. Just know that both your babies love you.

Amanda Stitt Frank

If she didn't want to be critiqued she should NOT have brought it here, she should go to a post-abortion support group, "Matt" is right. You can't get much good advice from these opinionated people-myself included. I was a 17 year old mom, I'm happy and married now, it was hard but not impossible. She mentions have enough money, well money is not as important as a living baby.....Those who are for abortion are adamantly for it, I think it's a cover for guilt, like "I had an abortion and I'm totally fine!!" While the pro-life group is so against abortion we have a hard time understanding why anyone would want to do such a thing. At least this Mom might someday get to tell a young scared girl that adoption is a better option, her pain could be useful some day. As far as her coming to the stir with a VERY emotionally charged subject was not a bright idea...

piggy... piggy11721

Well as long as you have a beautiful home and money...your decision is justified. I am glad you feel guilty because it means you arent totally heartless.

piggy... piggy11721

She shouldn't have posted it if she didn't want differing opinions. Everyone is whining about wmpathy for her but who will have empathy for the dead babies. It wasn't their fault mommy chose to spread her legs and was more concerned about having a nice house and money. She said it herself. She made the right decision because she has a nice house and money. Guess what!!! I know plenty of women who had kids at 17 and have a great life. ITS CALLED HARD WORK!!!!!

piggy... piggy11721

Anastazia975.....your right. No one ON THIS EARTH does "have a right to judge her". Her baby isn't on this earth to judge her because of what she did. Listen, I have friends that have had abortions but they flat out regret it. They don't make petty comments like her saying they know it the right decision because they have nice homes and money. That is the part of her article that pissed me off. If she knows she made the right decision then why is she whining on here. I am sorry...I hold no sympathy for the aborters as they had a choice.....I only sympathize with the aborted. They didn't have a choice as to who their "mother" was. They didn't ask for their "mother" to spread their legs and then get rid of them calling them a "mistake". If you are allowed to have your opinion to think killing babies are ok...why can't we have our opinions to say its not. A little hypocritical I think.

nonmember avatar kld

Please lighten up on her. None of us are without sin. Nothing can change the past, but we can change the future. Maybe just maybe somebody who was considering an abortion read this and changed her mind. As far as advice, go talk to someone who can help you come to terms with your decision.

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