10 Things NOT to Say to a New Mom

Baby 327

I have a friend who just had a baby. Like 99 percent of the population, she left the hospital looking like a semi-deflated version of the pregnant woman who checked in a couple days before. She had the signature pouch, the bloated feet, and the glazed look on her face. Like the rest of us. A few days later, at the baby's well-visit, an elderly woman began cooing over the infant. "She's gorgeous," the woman announced. "And, you're pregnant again, already?!"

How my friend didn't attack this stupid woman, I'll never understand. But, for her and all the other clueless people out there, here are 10 other things not to say to a new mother ...

1. OMG! He/she looks just like your husband! We know. Zip it.

2. I lost all my baby weight in the hospital. There is simply no civil response to a statement like this.

3. Breast is best, you know. Yes, we're aware of that. Mind your own damn business.

4. You look exhausted. No shit.

5. Awwww, did you really want a boy/girl (whichever one you didn't end up with)? Yes! And fortunately babies come with an exchange policy, so we're expecting to trade her in any day!

6. You sure have your hands full! Why, yes, yes we do. Want to lend one of yours?

7. She needs a hat. So do you. On your mouth.

8. He's/She's so small/big/long/short/thin/fat. In what world are these observations welcome?!

9. My baby was sleeping all night every night from birth. Well, then how about you come and sleep-train mine?

10. When are you having the next one?


Got any to add?


Photo courtesy of scary mommy

postpartum weight, postpartum recovery, newborns


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nonmember avatar ARM

I'm early into my pregnancy but glad to know I might encounter some of these remarks after giving birth. Oh boy, irritating for certain.

nonmember avatar Carolyn

These are great.
The one that bugged me was "You're life will never be the same again".

White... Whitedragon

Lady at walmart: "oh He's so cute!"

Me: Lady... are you crazy.. SHE is wearing a pink dress... how in the hell do you think that qualifies as a HE?  Do you really think I would turn my own child into a crossdresser?  Go get your damn eyes checked! ~after people had been say HE to my baby GIRL who had been wearing a lovely pink frilly dress!

Jillian Kennedy

I do for sure.... my son was one of those boys born with too hormones raging in his system, and his body decided his nipples were the best way to dump said hormones. Which means he was lactating at the same time I was. A random strange man happened to see me sitting in the park with my son and saw wet spots on his shirt, so he asked if he spilled his breakfast. I replied (and to this day I don't understand why I even responded) "Nope, he's leaking milk just like momma" and he promptly called my son a  Hermaphrodite and ran off.

xxFEi... xxFEiTiCEiRAxx

I had someone ask me if it hurt. Yes, im serious.

Christine Lynd

How about "I think my marriage may be ending"? Yes, I actually had an (ex) friend use her visit to the hospital to tell me about HER marital problems, which (luckily) only ended up being a minor bump in the road which they got through. Wish I had taken the hint then and ended the friendship with this selfish woman right then instead of letting it continue over the course of a few more years. What a waste of time!

Mercy D'souza

I cannot count the number of times people have asked me if my very-girly-dressed girl was a boy!  Makes you wanna puch people like that. And the worst I think is having any woman at all come up and tell you that you have to do this or that for your baby, and then they get offended if you don't comply right away.

nonmember avatar Cindy

These are awesome! I can't think of others but almost each one of those happened to me... with both my children, who were premies. People turn into complete tools around babies.

Melis... Melissa042807

"You do not even look like you just had a baby!"

Ooookay...so I just look like a waddling puffy marshmallow with impossibly huge breasts? 

nonmember avatar Ryan

"You should hire a cleaning lady." You should hire a personal editor. Zip it.

"What's for dinner?" Breastmilk. Not what you ordered? Then make reservations!!

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