Having One Baby Is Like Having a Houseplant

on August 12, 2011 at 9:00 AM

Sisters Look, I get it. I remember. When you have your first kid, it really is overwhelming. Plus, some kids are just more intense than others. So I’m in no way saying that parents of one kid have it easy, or are wimps, or anything of the sort.

I’m just saying this: Now that I have two ... one seems like a cake walk.

I remember being so insulted when someone posted on Urban Baby that having one baby is like having a houseplant. How dare they! I thought! How heartless! How judgmental!

How true.

The last time I was in New York, I was early-pregnant with Abby (but didn’t know it yet, because apparently the basic functions of the human body are unknown to me). I was anxious to see my friend Lynn, but unsure when I would get to Brooklyn from the Upper West Side -- an hour trip if you take the subway, and you have to switch trains. She unhesitatingly said she’d come to me.

“But you have the kids!” I shrieked.

“Just Sam,” she answered. “Bess is at a birthday party.”

“You have the kid!”

“I have a kid. Believe me, it’s like being at a spa.”

Two kids are worse than one.

She’s right. Where I used to wait to be child-free before going to the market, now I am perfectly happy with “just” one kid. And two isn’t nearly as hard as one used to be, when she was my only one.

Meanwhile, my friends who have only one kid seem to have a few things in common. For instance, they still go out on date nights. They still sleep in the same bed. They still make sure their toys are age-appropriate. And? They still complain about how they’re run ragged.

And they are! I’m not even saying it’s not true. You don’t learn to handle that one kid 'til you have to juggle two -- and I don’t know about you, but I do a worse job with each of them now. When Penny was 12 months old, I read to her all the time; Abby’s lucky if I get through half of Brown Bear before we’re interrupted or I pass out. And the “old Amy” would never have picked up Penny by the arm and held her sideways and shrieking to get her out of the playground -- but when I have Abby under the other arm, well, what’s my option?

It’s all about the learning curve. It was steep with one baby; it’s a sheer cliff with the second.

As for my friend who had a baby after she had two incredibly rambunctious twins ... I get it now. And: Props to you. Props to me. And props to the parents of just one kid. Because we’ve got one thing in common: We’re giving our all to our kids -- whether it’s one, two, or AUGH!

Did you find it easier to deal with one after you had more? Do you secretly think your singleton friends are wimpy, or do you think they put the same energy into their one? 

About the author Amy Keyishian

can't understand you when you ask like that -- can you ask again in a voice that isn't whiny?

Filed Under: multiples, siblings

Comments (31)

micheledo

on Aug 12, 2011 at 9:06 AM

Very true! And good for those of us with more then one, to remember that one was once a LOT! And four is easy. :D I have number 5 on the way, it really is true that it gets eaiser with each one - or maybe that one less just looks SO easy now.

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tinypossum

on Aug 12, 2011 at 9:31 AM

Oh, it is definitely easier to deal with one now that I know what having two is like. Having my boys one-on-one is a breeze. When they are together, they feed off each other. They compete for my attention, they compete to do the simpliest thing like who's going to wash his hands first. They encourage each other to be loud, wild and rambunctious at the most inopportune times. I adore my boys and I love that they have each other and I wouldn't change a thing. But, yes it is harder to have more than one. I am in awe of parents who have three, four, five or more kids and do it well. Hats off to you!

Melissa042807

on Aug 12, 2011 at 9:37 AM

I have a friend whose had twins right off the bat, followed by a 2nd set of twins 18 months later! They now have 5 altogether and I don't know how she does it. But she figured it out. With kids, whether it's 1 or 2 or 5, you just figure it out.

Nonmember comment from Eva

on Aug 12, 2011 at 9:48 AM

I see what you're saying as I only have one and once you learn what you're doing you are one on one with the child and can cope. Once you have more than one you're outnumbered and it takes more of your focus and gives you less time for yourself. That being said, though, posts like this always make me feel like parents of more than one child feel like parents of only one child are somewhat less of a parent. Like you're only a 'real' mother when you have two or more screaming children hanging out of the back of a mini-van. That you don't go through the same trials, tribulations, and triumphs with just one. But that may just be my own thin skin over everyone asking me when I'm going to have another and telling me having an only child is cruel.

Fallaya

on Aug 12, 2011 at 9:54 AM

I have one child, and it's a lot of work! But I guess it's easier than having more than one. I'm stopping at one child, and am very happy with my decision.

jmomma2009

on Aug 12, 2011 at 9:58 AM

I was just thinking this the other day.. Since I had my second son, who's still an infant, I've realized how much fun my toddler is! And how much work it is to take care of a newborn, on top of keeping the toddler happy and safe!

jagamama0710

on Aug 12, 2011 at 10:04 AM

I agree! I was just talking with my neighbor the other day about how going from 1 to 2 was harder than going from no kids to 1 kid. lol She has 3 kids though and she says going from 2-3 is easy peasy.

My husband is deployed right now and I have to take both kids everywhere. I. go. lol I am longing for the day I get to leave them with daddy again and go to the store by myself.

xavierlogan09

on Aug 12, 2011 at 10:13 AM

i have only one child. Having one is hard enough for me. We decided not to have anymore. My mom had four kids and she made it look easy. That is because we took care of ourselves most of the time. I do think it could get easier with more kids because you already know what you are doing.

dirtiekittie

on Aug 12, 2011 at 10:26 AM

@eva - i understand where you're coming from. my oldest dd was an only child until she was nearly five (maybe not a long time to some of you, but it was to us!). after she was born, folks were relentless about when we were having another, or why we'd be so mean as to only have one. and i finally come up with the perfect answer: "we'll have another one if you'll pay for it." lol! it's a little direct, but people finally get the hint (well, the less dense ones lol). and don't worry - you're NOT being cruel to your kid!

i *do* think that one can be easier than any number more than 2, but we're not taking away from the difficulty of being broken in with your first. sure, subsequent kids become easier (although the crazy horde they can become when say - hungry, for example - is scary! lol) you're on the most RIDICULOUS learning curve of having a new baby. even if you have been around babies your whole life, your OWN baby is a new experience. but baby 2 or 3 or 4 becomes easier because you've done the 'what-does-this-cry-mean' dance a time or two (or ten). and kudos to all moms, no matter how many kids you've got - you're doing it! :)

LittleManMama

on Aug 12, 2011 at 10:35 AM

It scares me when people say thatgoing from 1 to 2 is harder than from none to one because my first (and only) has been intense. He is hilarious and awesome but also high needs and I am absolutely exhausted. I don't miss the days of not getting to shower or eat but I want another. I optimistically think well the second could be an "easy" baby, but everyone talking about just how much harder the second is makes me think I should stop at one.