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It doesn't surprise me that there's still enough of a stigma associated with postpartum depression that many moms don't seek help.
Postpartum depression is an illness, but we treat it as a character flaw, a personal failure. I know the shame women with PPD feel, because I've been there myself.
I'll never forget the despair and self-loathing that marked the postpartum depression I went through after my daughter was born. I knew it was "normal." All the baby books listed it as a postnatal symptom right alongside engorged breasts and fatigue.
But nothing prepared me for the reality ...
I loved my new baby more than I'd ever loved anything on the face of the earth. I was beyond lucky, and I knew that. That's why I couldn't forgive myself for feeling like I was emotionally at the bottom of a deep, dark well, fighting to keep myself afloat. That's really the best way to describe it ... for me, postpartum depression was like falling. And falling, and falling, and having no idea how to climb my way back up.
I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to take care of my daughter, but I was even more terrified to admit that to myself. I was less afraid of what other people would think, which is why I didn't wait very long to make an appointment with a therapist once I realized that I needed to see one. In my case, the "stigma" was self-imposed. I can't help but wonder if it's not the same for other women ... we expect so much of ourselves, we want, more than anything, to be the "perfect" mothers to our new babies.
But we're not perfect, and that's okay. The first step in getting over postpartum depression, for me, was accepting that fact, and realizing that I could be a good mom in spite of my own personal limitations.
My heart goes out to moms who are going through this incredibly difficult time. I can promise you that it won't last forever. The sooner you get help, the sooner you'll start to feel better. You deserve to feel better.
Did you go through postpartum depression?
Image via Bryan Gosline/Flickr
Comments (11)
I did. And I never got help because in my irrational state of mind, I kept talking myself out of it. Stupidest decision I could have made.
Next baby, if it happens, I'm doing things differently.
I may have with my daughter in 1989, but I don't know. Noone talked about it to me. All I know is I didn't have the overwelming immediate bond that I have had with each of boys. I loved her but it was more like you love a baby you are taking care of, it wasn't the all consuming mother's love I had felt with my first.
As strange as it sounds I was also afraid of her. You have to understand my mom was abusive and whenever I cried she would scream or hiss, "Don't cry, people will think I'm a bad mother if you do". Whenever my sweet baby girl cried I would hear my mom (she died in Jan 1984) sreaming in my ear, "Don't cry, people will think I'm a bad mother if you do"."Don't cry, people will think I'm a bad mother if you do".
I worked so hard to keep her happy and eventually as Mandalynne began to laugh, smile and coo My mom's voice faded and I began to feel that mother's love. That was just about 2 maybe 3 weeks before she died. I felt so lost, I still sometimes wonder if she really knew I loved her.
I am so glad PPD is talked about now, so other moms get the help they need.
I did, and it took over three years for me to be properly diagnosed with PYROLURIA, not PPD. Although pyroluria often strikes women after they give birth and it acts exacty like PPD they will find that antidepressants DO NOT WORK for them. These women need to get kryptopyrrole tests done to rule out pyroluria BEFORE taking antidepressants--since pyrolurics suffer from rare and serious side effects of those drugs.
And I feel the need to point out that getting help, being older, or even being married has nothing to do with your risks for developing PPD. One of my friends told me she wouldn't get PPD because she had school to look forward to. I just shook my head in disbelief. If it's hormone related, then how the heck does going to school prevent you from developing it??? Ridiculous myths.
If you give birth, you can get PPD. There is usually nothing you can do to prevent it unless you take antidepressants ahead of time, and even then it may not be the right antidepressant or the right dose.
Women now are lucky. When my grandmother had my father, she had a nervous breakdown. Only it wasn't, it was PPD. Her doctors gave her shock therapy, which caused her memory to get all messed up. By the end of her life (at 28), she didn't even know she had kids, she thought my dad and uncles belonged to my great aunt. She had to have round the clock babysitters and died of penumonia. The "treatment" for her "breakdown" caused her to not be ale to properly care for herself, if people then (1960's), had had any clue, she might be alive today. It is NOTHING to be ashamed of, ever.
Yes, I suffered and recovered from postpartum depression. My son is 17 years old now. The transition to parenthood is so intense and a very high learning curve for so many who did not grow up wiith babies around. After my PPD, I changed careers to become a Licensaed Professional Counselor in order to be of assistance to women & their families througout the childbearing years.