I Don’t Need Breastfeeding as a Boob-Flashing Excuse


baby nursingThere are some things I know I can count on in life. Spring brings the swallows to Capistrano. October brings the heady joy of dramatic television events during fall sweeps week. Weekend with the step-kids means a new crop of fart jokes. And any discussion of nursing in public heralds the arrival of commenters who say, “You’re just looking for an excuse to flash your boobs in public.”

It’s time to take down this myth once and for all.

First of all, let’s just get one thing straight: I didn’t need to get pregnant, bear children, and choose breastfeeding in order to have an excuse to flash my breasts in public. I live in a city that has a huge turnout for Naked Cycling Day. (I know, right? I have no idea.) I had breasts for nearly 30 years before I started breastfeeding. Trust me, if I wanted you to see my breasts, you would see them.

Second, quick quiz: If you were the sort to get a charge out of engineering artificial nipple-slips, would you do this (a) when your breasts were high and pert, or (b) when your breasts were riddled with blue veins and had begun their inevitable southern migration? I mean, logically, can’t we agree that even if I were going to get off on this very non-sexual act, the way breasts look when we’re nursing just wouldn’t get the job done? (Not that they’re ugly -- but this is the moment when we realize they’re not sexual.)
Thirdly, another quick quiz: What’s grosser, a naked breast or an old person eating? (Don’t get mad at me -- you know it’s true!) Well, old people have the right to eat in public, right? It’s your problem if you don’t like to look at it -- you have to deal with it. Guess what. Hippies have the right to wear ugly tie-dye, cat-people have the right to wear bedazzled t-shirts, and babies also have the right to eat in public.
In other words, don’t be a hater. It’s just a breast: it won’t bite. (The baby, on the other hand, might -- so please don’t mess with me.)
What do you say to people who say you’re a perv for nursing in public?

Image via © iStock.com/IvanJekic

breastfeeding, post-birth outings, natural parenting


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Kirsten Anthony

THANK YOU! I was never successful with my nursing, lack of the proper hormones to continue milk production, but I swore I would nurse when and where necessary if I could. I support EVERY woman's right to nurse and think our society needs to get over it already! I mean really what is more disturbing a mother nursing or some guy in the alley relieving himself because he doesn't feel the need to go use a restroom?

nonmember avatar me

two thumbs up.

Melis... Melissa042807

Laughing hysterically. You're right, my nursing boobs are not what I would want to flash to the public!

Lovem... Lovemykidstw

Love the old people eating comment!! Lol

momav... momavanessa

LOVE IT!!! I would tell them if you have a problem then you need to go take your plate of food into the bathroom.

nonmember avatar Zizzler

bahahahaha yes. exactly, women are SO desperate to expose themselves that they'll BIRTH A CHILD, endure engorgement, cracked nipples, teething, etc just so they can flash 5 seconds of saggy milk-boob in a cafe. GENIUS.

Billie Jo Evans

My boobs definitely saw better days BEFORE I ever got pregnant, LOL. They are meant for my husband, my children, and MYSELF. Not strangers!


DomsM... DomsMama07

Haha. I didn't nurse

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