No one enjoys being told who they are and what their sexual preferences are. Especially when you're being insulted, like Erica Jong just did in the Sunday New York Times. As a fan of Jong's "Fear of Flying," it kind of bums me out that she just took a shot at this generation of moms, and told us we were choosing between our motherhood and our sex life. Jong believes we (young women) even think that sex is unimportant and are content to live without it, or (gasp!) with monogamy. In fact, young mothers are the perfect example of sex-denying ladies for this generation. Especially you natural mommies.
Jong believes if you're a baby-wearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping mom, then you're probably using all of the above to push your sexual partner far, far away from you and your lady parts. The message we're sending our mate is that boobs are for the baby, and beds are for families. No hanky-panky allowed.
I have to admit, I used to believe this too.
One of the main reasons I didn't want to co-sleep with my first baby was that I knew that children would make maintaining my previous very healthy, incredibly satisfying sex life difficult. Bringing that baby into our bed? Might as well hang up the whips and blindfolds, because we would never get crazy in the boudoir ever again.
While a certain part of me still believes that -- just a little bit -- as I grow into motherhood, I realize that it's not an all-or-nothing proposition. Or as President Obama recently reminded us, we all should be able to walk and chew gum at the same time.
If you let motherhood become the reason you can't have sex, you won't have sex. If you decide baby-wearing is more important than showing your husband affection, you'll damage your marriage. But choosing one scenario doesn't mean you can't have both. There are 24 hours in the day, ladies. Yes, you should be sleeping for as many of those as you can grab, but you also can't hold onto your baby for the entire day and night. So (with a breath for yourself) try holding onto that hottie you decided to have this family with, as well.
Let's show those Baby Boomers that our generation knows how to knock stereotypes out of our bedroom just like they did. And let's certainly not let anyone tell us what kind of sex we're having (or not having) based on our parenting preferences.
Do you think being a natural mom means giving up on your sex life?
Image via LisaW123/Flickr
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Comments 60
We cosleep. I get a lot of sleep this way and so does DH. If we didn't, I would get much less sleep and not be interested in any "fun time" activities. As it is, we have a pretty good sex life!
I've been with my dh for 21 years and 4 children. Our oldest is a sophomore in college, our youngest is starting kindergarten this fall. I have to say, I am LMAO at people who think co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, whatever, dooms your sex life. Here's a lovely hint: not all sex happens in bed, at night! You just have to learn to take what you can get, when you can get it! Living proof, ladies, after 21 years sex is still a daily occurance (sometimes twice!) as long as you make your relationship a priority. I will be the first to admit that I'm so busy and so tired half the time that I can totally forget about sex, but that doesn't mean I'm going to turn my dh down when he reminds me, and it makes for a nice surprise when I'm the one reminding him.
My sex life is just fine and we cosleep. Got to love that bedside play-pen or bassinet.
Our sex life is more interesting co-sleeping, because we don't limit ourselves to just the bedroom! Whenever we get a few minutes alone and the mood strikes is when we do!
I think this is one of the most annoying questions I get asked about since we co-bed. Besides the fact that my sex life being none of my family's business, I have to say that the sex AFTER my daughter was born is, in my eyes, more fun than before she was in the picture. There are plenty of other places to have sex besides in bed. We have decided as a couple that she will only be little once and won't share a bed with us for very much longer - it's what works for us. In the meantime, we have a reason to keep changing things up and find variety around the house.
We co-sleep and our sex life sucks but I think it has to do with other factors like my hubby is in the army and takes two classes. He has to be up at 4:30 and some nights doesn't get home until 7:30pm and then has to study until ten or eleven sometimes so really he has no energy and I have no energy from our high need baby, but when we do have sex it's great (usually once a week, yikes that sux to admit). I have to say our son hates his crib and won't sleep there for more than 45 min at a time, if he's in our bed he sleeps all night about half the time, I don't sleep when he's in the crib so there would be no sex anyways.
I think your sex life decreases when you have kids. We weren't allowed to have sex at all for most of the pregnancy so it's up from that, but way down from pre-pregnancy.
It just so happens that some of us who co sleep have fantastic sex lives.