New Mom Secret: I Can't Love My Baby Girl

Sasha Brown-Worsham

It's hard being a new mom (or even an experienced mom to a new baby) and sometimes we do things we know we shouldn't, despite what all the experts say. But this is a safe place to share your secrets (PM me)—we'll never tell.

This Week's Secret:

My daughter is almost 4 months old and I still can't shake the feeling that I wanted her to be a boy. My whole pregnancy I thought she was a boy. I was so sure I didn't even have them tell us. When they told me it was a girl, I almost wanted them to double check. I couldn't shake the surprise and depression, and even now, a few months later, I still can't. I feel so guilty, but I keep wondering where my son is and almost want to have another just to have him. — Anonymous

Don't have another baby yet. You really need to work on loving the one you have. I understand having a gender preference, but not getting over it once the baby is here is causing you bonding problems. And clearly you know it since you are mentioning it here.

My advice: Don't just let this go. Talk to a therapist, your doctor/midwife, or someone who can help. Your relationship with your daughter is likely suffering from your preoccupation with a son who doesn't exist. Fix this first before adding a second baby to the mix. There is a time to have a gender preference, but that has long since passed.

This isn't an average or "normal" reaction four months into parenting. This doesn't make you a bad mom, but you need to get some help.

Do you have any advice for this mom?

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