dolphin midwivesWriting in the realm of parenting for so many years means I've heard it all. Cooking and eating the placenta, letting Facebook dictate your baby's name, even refusing to let people know if your baby is a boy or a girl. But now I just might have reached the end of unbelievable birthing and parenting stories: Dolphin midwives.

A pregnant friend of mine recently went out to dinner and, alongside her quinoa, received a side of unprompted birthing advice (as happens quite frequently). Another woman at the establishment insisted that she give birth in the Black Sea using dolphin midwives.

We live in Los Angeles.

But it turns out this wasn't a crazy homeless lady, it was actually a woman who had been incredibly inspired by the film Birth As We Know It, where there are dolphin midwives.

No, really.

While the trailer seems to focus on natural birth and water birth, the website touches on giving birth in the Black Sea, and there are pictures of dolphins swimming near the babies. So if this woman -- who insisted that dolphins were acting as midwives -- is correct, then I wonder if they'll take my health insurance?

I kid. Because having a dolphin as a midwife is a completely insane idea. One that I hope will not be catching on, because those poor dolphins need a break from humans deciding they're sooo smart and therefore must be studied! Also, I seriously doubt any of them are accredited.

I'm all for natural birth, home birth, water birth, as seen in this trailer. Hell, even orgasmic birth because, why not? But I will draw the line at having an animal, no matter how intelligent, assist me in my birth. Because my dog is pretty smart too, but I'm not letting her near my placenta. She'll eat it. Although some people might think that's a beautiful cycle of life. Those same people who think you should travel to a foreign country and have sea creatures assist you in your birth.

How flipping crazy is this?

 

Image via ross_hawkes/Flickr