New Mom Secret: I'm a Terrible Mom & I Don't Care

It's hard being a new mom (or even an experienced mom to a new baby) and sometimes we do things we know we shouldn't, despite what all the experts say. But this is a safe place to share your secrets (PM me)—we'll never tell.

This Week's Secret:


My son was born four months ago and since then I have become obsessed with the idea that he was a mistake. My boyfriend is only sporadically involved with us. I had a really good life before I got pregnant and was ambivalent about a baby in the first place. Now he is here and he needs to much, so much more than I expected. I feel like I am failing him all of the time. What do you do when you think you're a terrible mom and you don't even really care? -- Anonymous

This is really just a more intense version of something all moms feel. Whether they choose to admit it or not is another story.

The fact that you notice it, feel it, and talk about it already makes you a better mom than those who stay silent, slap on a grin, and die inside. Motherhood is HARD. Anyone who tells you differently either had nothing else in their life prior to motherhood, has a screw loose, or is simply not very deep.

But just because it's hard doesn't mean it isn't good. But the good stuff (for some) takes time. I happened to be a baby person, so if you had asked me at four months what I thought of motherhood, I would have told you it was a breeze, the best thing I had ever done, and I wanted 10 more.

I find toddlerhood much more challenging and I often question whether I'm cut out for motherhood. I think we all do. But trust me, those moms who think they have it all together really don't. There is always something else going on inside.

What you need to decide is how serious this is. Do you require counseling? Need to talk to your own parents more? Have a close friend who can help? This isn't the time to shut down or be silent about it. Motherhood doesn't come naturally to all of us, and asking for help proves you are, indeed, cut out to be a mom.

Do you have any advice for this mom?

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