New Mom Secret: My Birth Was So Bad I Don't Feel Bonded

It's hard being a new mom (or even an experienced mom to a new baby) and sometimes we do things we know we shouldn't, despite what all the experts say. But this is a safe place to share your secrets (PM me)—we'll never tell.

This Week's Secret:


My birth was horrible, almost as bad as it could be without anyone ending up dead. I was put under general anesthesia and my baby was practically ripped out of my belly. It took me hours to come to, and in that time, it was my husband who took care of the baby. Honestly, I was so traumatized by the process and so unable to connect the little girl my husband was holding with the baby that had been in my belly that I never really bonded. Now we are three months in and I am still not bonded to her at all. She doesn't feel like mine and I have no idea what to do. -- Anonymous

Your story isn't as rare as you might think. A recent essay discusses almost the same exact issue and the author recommends as a good resource for dealing with these kinds of issues.

My experience was pretty much the opposite experience in every way, but from that, I understand the importance of the hormones and the role they play in that initial bonding process, which is more important than many people realize.

You aren't alone even if it feels like you are. What is good to know is that the bonding WILL come, you just may have to work on it and talk to others who understand and have been there, too.

Do you have any advice for this mom?

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