Mom Gives Baby Up for Adoption; Sues to Get Her Back

168

adoption goes wrong
Babies are not dolls!
Adoption is a wonderful thing. People who cannot take care of their children need an option. People who cannot have children in a traditional biological fashion, or who have a lot of love to give, are the perfect people to take care of those who are in need. But when adoption goes wrong, it's devastating.

Right now in New York, it's going horribly wrong. Vilma Ramirez, a Long Island mother, decided she could not take care of her fourth child, and put baby Esperanza up for adoption after her birth in February. An Upper East Side couple adopted the baby, changed her name to Isabella, and has been raising the little girl. But now Ramirez says she's changed her mind, and is suing the family to get her baby back.

This is so not cool, on so many levels.

I can't imagine what it would be like to give up your baby for adoption. But once you make that decision, why are you given a 45-day grace period to change your mind? A lot of bonding can happen in 45 days. A lot of crucial early childhood parent/child interaction takes place, and shuttling the baby back and forth is harmful for everyone involved.

I want to feel for Ramirez, but all I can see is an incredibly selfish woman who, after doing what she believed was right for an innocent baby, is now jerking everyone around who is involved. She claims she didn't understand that it wouldn't be an open adoption where she could see the baby as often as she wanted. If that's truly the case, I can see how she would be horribly upset. But if you decide you can't take care of the baby, you can't lease it out and have visitation whenever you like. Or, rather, if the law says you can -- how is that good for a child?

The parents who adopted the baby are surely wrecked right now as well. Not knowing if they'll be able to keep the baby they consider their own cannot be good for the home life of the new family of three. It's an all-around cluster **ck and creates stress on the baby. Babies are not dolls; they have emotions, needs, and feel stress. It would take an incredibly emotionally advanced group of parents to navigate this situation in the best interest of the child. This can and does happen, but clearly by heading to court, that is not the case here.

If you don't want to give your baby up for adoption -- don't. But changing your mind after the baby has already left to go live with another family is unfair to everyone involved. We've seen this happen again, and again. It seems that no one considers what's best for the baby -- only themselves.

Who do you think should have baby Esperanza/Isabella?

 

Image via alisharusher/Flickr

baby first year, baby development, adoption

168 Comments

To add a comment, please log in with

Use Your CafeMom Profile

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Join CafeMom or Log in to your CafeMom account. CafeMom members can keep track of their comments.

Comment As a Guest

Guest comments are moderated and will not appear immediately.

meatb... meatball77

The birth mother almost always wins in those cases, the adoptive parents are harming the child by not letting her go back.

xavie... xavierlogan09

the adoptive parents she get the child. her mother gave up because she thought it was best. so this is best for her daughter. if she can't care for her daughter she shouldn't have her.

sassy... sassykat122

April, it's apparent adoption either hasn't touched your life in any way or your not very caring. This is two fold because I don't agree with the 45 day grace period. I don't agree that this mother should be suing to get the child back. But your comment about open adoptions is flippant at best and incredibly ignorant at worst. Decades ago, 50's and 60's and 70's etc. adoptions were far more commonly closed. Which meant once the mother gave up the child she had no clue where the child went or it went to and wasn't allowed to ever see the child again. And in a twisted logic they were also never told they were adopted because it was thought that this was in their best interest.

sassy... sassykat122

And we've all seen how well both those scenarios went. In many cases those kids who did know early on were still left with a lifetime of wondering where they came from and a feeling of not fully being a part of the family they were adopted into. The kids who found out later on as teens or adults were left with a feeling of betrayal. So before you go running your mouth about how open adoptions aren't good for the kids let this be a reminder that it is for the kids that open adoptions were created. It can be as open or closed as the parents giving up the child and the parents adopting the child want it to be.  You sound incredibly ignorant when you pop off with "if you decide you can't take care of the baby, you can't lease it out and have visitation whenever you like. Or, rather, if the law says you can -- how is that good for a child?"

Gigan... GigantaursMommy

meatball how are the adoptive parents at fault? They have done nothing but love this baby and are now having a baby that they probably loved very much and have waited for ripped away from them. I think the bio. mother is in the wrong if she wasn't 100% sure she should have never put her daughter up for adoption.

nonmember avatar Alina

Wow. way to over simplify this issue in every way possible. I can tell just from the little bits of factual information given in this story how complex the situation is. The difference between closed and open adoption is huge. If the birth mother thought she was going to be able to know her child and then suddenly was told otherwise can you imagine how devastating that would be? and especially so after making the decision to give ones child up for adoption, no matter what the reason. Then there are most likely issues of economics involved here. Instead of making adoption the only viable option for women, why do we not instead support a woman's right to parent her own children? I understand adoption is a good choice for some women, but for others who would like alternatives there needs to be more discussion on how this is possible. And i'm just scratching the surface... how about we think critically about these issues before we just blurt out our gut feelings.

nonmember avatar hello

very one sided article.

angev... angevil53

i don't think it's cool at all to rename a baby, even a newborn. it's not a dog you adopted. if the kid wants a new name it can get one when it's 18. past that i don't care who gets the child bc it sounds like both want to care for it, so whoever is best fit should do the job.

jalaz77 jalaz77

How can this mom all of a sudden take care of this child? That's my question.

1-10 of 168 comments 12345 Last
F