Breastmilk Ice Cream Must Be Eaten in the Bathroom!

Christie Haskell
32

There is a restaurant in London serving breast milk ice cream. The place, Icecreamists, calls the dish Baby Gaga and it's quite the delicacy. Wait. What? How disgusting does that sound?

It's bad enough when a baby nurses from her mom in private. And breastfeeding in public is just rude and obscene. And here we have people eating ice cream made out of breast milk for all the world to see!? 

I think breast milk ice cream should only be consumed in the bathroom so the normal cow's milk ice cream eating customers don't have to see it.

Why? Well, it's not food, people, it's a bodily waste product ... you know, like poop.  

I can just see it now ... a bunch of loose and lactating women sitting around and squirting their breasts into a vat to make ice cream to feed to people who just sit there out in the open enjoying it. Using their tongues to lick this human poop-like product. 

Poop belongs in the bathroom. Just like anyone who wants to indulge in breast milk. I don't want to see a bunch of adults sitting around, being exhibitionists by licking and slurping and groaning in ecstasy in public. That's just immodest. Have them go sit on a toilet in the restroom -- who cares if there's no lid? The bowl or the back of the tank is fine. Heck, sit on the floor! 

And if you don't want to go in the bathroom, why not just order take-out and eat it in your car? We need to be respectful of other people who think that what's on your plate is gross, who have neck braces and immobile eyeballs who just CAN'T look away.

Fine, fine, I'm being ridiculous? Then maybe we can just pass around ponchos so people who want breast milk ice cream can eat UNDER them.

"Here's your bowl of ice cream, and your poncho, ma'am. Please keep it over your head while you eat for the comfort of everyone here."

Consuming breast milk where people can see you is SO indecent and totally wrong. Don't you think so, too?

 

(P.S. This is satire. Meaning I'm being sarcastic. Please god, get that I'm NOT serious.)


Image via wintersoul1/Flickr

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