Since becoming a first-time mom nearly three months ago, I've been hearing a lot about this so-called addiction to breastfeeding. A few weeks ago, in fact, a woman I had just met cornered me while I was nursing, asked me how it was going, then leaned over with wide eyes and whispered, "You'll get ... addicted."
Even Salma Hayek admitted her addiction. It feels like women everywhere are vibing on the need to feed. But not me. It's been 11 weeks, and I'm still waiting for that magical feeling.
I've read that the chemical release of oxytocin is like a drug. When you sit down to feed, you feel instantly mellow, but the only thing I feel at that moment is relief. You see, my daughter loves the breast so much that she cries when she finishes and she cries right before she gets back on, so to hear nothing but silence is what mellows me out.
But I also feel pain. Not as much as I used to, and no, it's not her latch, but when a hungry baby is vigorously sucking on your tit hour after hour, the nipple takes a real beating. I suffered through two painful bouts of mastitis to get to a point where it only moderately hurts to nurse.
I can't complain about sleep deprivation, because my daughter developed a pretty good nighttime routine early on, but that means I nurse all day long. She feeds every two hours to the minute, and if she falls asleep in between, she wakes up exactly when it's time to eat again. And she's definitely a gourmet, meaning she takes her sweet time on each breast, so when all is said and done, there's only one hour between feedings. During that hour, she rarely naps and is often fussy, so there's very little time for Mom to grab a bite to eat or take a shower. It can really take on a toll on one's emotional health.
I know that nursing is supposed to make for some serious bonding between me and my daughter, but it's those moments when I'm snuggling her, watching her laugh or smile and playing with her that I feel a closer bond. I'm also aware that there are countless health benefits, for both me and my child, and I wouldn't have gotten to this point if I didn't believe that was true. I just wish breastfeeding was less time-consuming. That way, I could better enjoy all those other moments, rather than watching the clock during feedings and fantasizing about what small thing I might be able to accomplish afterward, like paying a bill. One bill.
I have no game plan going forward; I still haven't decided if I'll keep nursing past six months or nine months or a year. I've made the choice not to go back to work because I have been lucky enough to provide my child her sole sustenance this way and I don't want to disrupt that. So I'll just do what I've been doing: playing it all by ear, taking it as it comes.
Ask me when I wean her how I feel then, but for now, I am not addicted to breastfeeding.
Are you?
Image via Daquella manera/Flickr
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Comments 34
Lauren Flynn Kelly-I can completely relate to what you are going through. I felt the way you feel exactly when DS was 11 weeks old, plus he has acid reflux GERD. He is now 6 months old and things are a million times better. He doesnt nurse as frequently as when he was mere weeks old because now he is too busy playing with toys. I was planning on weaning him at one but now going to let him self wean past one. How I got through it was taking it one day at a time. No Im not addicted to BF. But I will say that I am addicted to promoting breastfeeding awareness to loved ones that would never consider BF or are booby trapped by the myths that misguide them.
It will eventually not be such a time factor. And honestly, the bonding that I felt, came after I nursed past one year.
But, yeah, the time thing was wearing on me too! Granted I LOVED that it was so easy to silence my little ones, calm them down, get them to sleep when nothing else would work, and insure that they had plenty of fluids when sick, but the constant nursing IS draining. It's a sacrifice I am so thankful I can make. I think it's good to be honest about the negatives, while recognizing how amazing the postives are!
i have been breastfeeding for 10 months now and i can say i am not addicted! i am actually weaning because there are days that all she wants is the breast and i promised i was going to make it for a year no more. so no addiciton i only do it to feed my daughter nothing else.
I hear you loud and clear... I was one of those moms who never got into it. I did it because it was best (except with my last - was on antibiotic and couldn't) but I never did really enjoy it. It does get less painful and faster around 4 months but I loved the snuggling, playing, kissing time much more. Nursing was just feeding time...
Your baby won't starve if you don't have them attached to your breast every hour. Sometimes they are bored or gassy or want attention or they have a dirty diaper. Maybe the problem is you assume it's hunger and it's easier to pop a boob in your baby's mouth than to try and pacify them another way, but ti's important to make sure it's actually hunger before feeding them. Chances are she'll eat as much as you'll let her. Sucking and nursing are comforting, but teaching a baby to comfort themselves only by eating teaches them to do so all through life which is obviously an unhealthy habit. I felt the same way about breastfeeding until my doctor talked some sense into me and assured me that my baby wouldn't starve if I didn't feed him every hour. Breastfeeding has been way more enjoyable ever since I realized that nursing is not always what the baby needs when he cries.
Oh noooo it was blissssss every time I did it I heard bells and arias of angels....when nursing in thepark bluebirds would circle and hold my blanket to give me privacy and chipmunks would appluad.. maybe the "addicted" ones are somesort of reverse vampire disorder we need to be leery of... It is feeding your baby! It can be inconvenient at times it can be moving at times it can even be amusing at times( ever have a gyser shoot across the room?) annnnyway...lets just keep it in perspective the reason for nursing is that you ultimately are suppose to be doing something for your child not feeding your addiction.