8 Lies I Tell to Look Like a Good Mom


None of our kids are perfect and no matter how much we lie, judge, pretend otherwise or push, we will not make it so. There, I said it. That fact, of course, will not stop most moms from trying like hell to be so, sometimes at the expense of their sanity and happiness.

According to a Netmums survey of about 5,000 moms, many parents are less than truthful when it comes to chatting with other moms. Here are some of their lies:

  • They say they are coping well, but 69 percent were less than truthful.
  • They say they are coping financially, but 46 percent were less than truthful.
  • They claim to spend more time with their kids than they do (20.6 percent).
  • They say their kids watch less TV than they do (23 percent).
  • They lie about their child's great appetite (17 percent)
  • And finally, 13 percent say they are having more sex than they are. 

Of course, none of this should come as a surprise. We all know that mom whose entire identity rests in her child who loves to drop little lies about how perfect her kid is compared to yours. And of course, you always knew she was a liar, liar pants on fire, right?

Why would moms do this? The reasons should be obvious. First of all, it is terrifying to admit that parenting is hard. Even on Cafemom, if you admit that your days are less than idyllic or that sometimes you really struggle, you get called a bad mom or worse. Now, obviously, people that would attack you that way are clearly miserable in their own lives, but for most moms, there is enormous fear that admitting our kids eat bad foods or act up or watch TV is somehow admitting defeat.

On that note, I will cop to some of the parenting lies I have recently told. Beware, they could get ugly. Here are some of my biggest parenting whoppers:

  • I claimed braiding my daughter's hair was a "cinch" when actually I wrapped my leg around her so she would sit still, cried, screamed and begged her to behave. I also bribed her with candy.
  • I bribe my children into good behavior on a fairly regular basis and say I don't.
  • I forget diapers and claim I "just" used the last one when it was actually like two weeks before and I never replaced it (oops!)
  • I yell a lot more than I admit .
  • I "officially" let my kids watch less than six hours of TV a week, but probably let it creep a bit higher some weeks.
  • I say my husband and I fight less than we do.
  • I have said my daughter dressed herself when actually her father dressed her, but the outfit was so horrible, I preferred to blame a 4-year-old. I then called it "creative."
  • I say, "my daughter never acts like this," and blame exhaustion even when... She definitely does.

OK, so these are not so bad. But they could get worse as my kids age, who knows. The fact is, when we lie, we do everyone a great disservice. It is not human to be perfect and yes, children will act up sometimes and yes, they will sometimes be difficult, but I will swear this on my life:

I would rather have a "spirited" child with lots of energy who questions authority and acts independently.

It is harder in the short run, but in the long run, it is so, so much better. My daughter is off the wall and spirited and intelligent and hard to control. I would not have it any other way. And that's no lie.

What do you lie about?

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RanaA... RanaAurora

The survey's things? Those are REALLY weird things to lie about. Seriously strange. How is your child's appetite something to brag about or be ashamed about?

Anyway, I do try really hard not to like and I'm really open with my friends. My biggest lies would just be those of omission, but if asked outright, I'm not going to lie. I've found admitting to things that you're ashamed of makes you look better and more self-aware and shows attempts at personal growth way more than pretending you don't yell or occasionally spank, ya know?

Unless I'm talking to in-laws, and then life is perfect, and no, I don't need or want help from anyone (THEM), LOL.

lovin... lovinangels

I don't lie. I change the subject. It's NOT the same thing. *giggles nervously*

nonmember avatar Anon

I don't "lie," though I probably gloss over some things that I'm not proud of. But when my kid is being a brat, I don't say "she never does this" but rather, "we're working very hard on this." That way the other person knows I don't consider it acceptable, though I can't always control everything. I might sometimes "round down" or simplify stuff. For example, I say "we don't really watch TV" which really means that I don't turn on the TV, but they often watch it with my sister on Sundays.

mommix4 mommix4

I used to feel the need to lie but then decided that the things I was lying about weren't that bad. Like when asked about tv I'd say oh hardly ever, but now 4 kids later I say yup we watch it,and? I've become a more confident mother and the things that I was worried about when they were younger seem very silly to me now.

sherl... sherlokke

i blatantly lie to keep detrimental people out of our lives. we don't tell my husband's ex (has hurt his and my kids) anything about my kids. same for the dopehead waitress he and his sister grew up with (sweet girl, heroin addict), one of his aunts who at times resembles satan's incarnate (has also tried to hurt our relationship)...

i am at times associated with various addicts and drunk through mutual friends and while cordial, i will lie directly about my kids to keep them safe.

vanes... vanessa5470

Maybe I'm new to the mom game, maybe I don't hang out with enough moms...but I've never lied about anything. My 18m old can be a monster sometimes and hey, he's a toddler learning self control, just like EVERY OTHER toddler out there.

No kid is perfect, they all have their flaws regardless of whatever their illusioned parents say.

nonmember avatar Anon

As for that survey, why would anyone think they have a right to an answer - truthful or not - to some of those questions? How I'm doing financially? How much sex I'm having? As for how I'm coping overall - how many people really want to know the truth about that? "How ya doin'?" "Awesome, my head hurts, my kid keeps me up at night, my hus-" "That's great, see ya later!"

qrex912 qrex912

I don't lie about parenting, solely because I surround myself with other parents who understand how life is, I also have yet to make a decision based on parenting, that I was ashamed of or anything, so I don't feel the need to lie. But with how many "mom bullies" there are out there, I can understand why some women do. I just keep in mind that everyone parents differently, and I do what's best for my daughter, and if other people aren't cool with how I parent, thats okay.

nonmember avatar WaltzingMtilda

I don't lie but that's only because I've developed a whole comedy routine around what a horrible mother I am. This way when I say "And the kids had Doritoes for breakfast AGAIN" people just laugh and assume I'm making it up.

Proud... ProudSingleMum

Ah, it amazes me how many blogs there are about lying.

The mom I get along with the best is the one who I can openly talk about whatever I feel and know she won't judge.

Anyone I feel like I'd have to lie to just so they won't look down on me, isn't someone who is worth my time.

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