There are so many ways to bring a baby into the world today, and the most technologically advanced methods have only been available in recent years. Which means the long-term issues of infertility solutions are just sorting themselves out, and they can be incredibly complicated.
After the Twiblings story in NYT Magazine, an egg donor chose to speak out on Motherlode, as she felt the role of the egg donor was glossed over in the article that tackled the complicated roles of surrogates and the mother. I'll be honest in that I never expected an egg donor to have such complicated feelings. Then I gave it more than five minutes of thought, which was the egg donor's point.
This anonymous writer expresses her longing, now that she has her own children, to somehow be connected to the twins she helped a couple conceive while she was in her mid-20s.
I have no doubt that their mother has been a loving, kind parent, and I obviously would never want to disrupt that relationship. However, I increasingly feel that the twins, who are now teenagers, have a right to know about their creation story — if not now, then when they are adults.
Why, you may rightfully ask? The obvious and easy answer is knowledge of certain medical conditions and their management that have occurred in recent years. More difficult to justify, but deeply felt, it seems that we should have the opportunity to develop a kind of mother-child relationship.
When I was in college and incredibly broke, I considered answering an ad to be an egg donor. My own mother discouraged me, not because of these emotional and legal issues, but because of the potential toll it would take on my own health. In fact, we never discussed what it would be like to know some of my genetic material was out there in the form of a child.
Of course now that I have my own children, it's inconceivable that I wouldn't want to know what an egg of mine would produce. Which makes me think that people in their early 20s, to whom parenting is a far-off reality, shouldn't be making such huge decisions about their own offspring -- even though technically, it's only part of the puzzle.
Egg donor age requirements are quite strict, but on the younger end of the spectrum for optimal eggs. Although some facilities do allow women up to age 35 to be donors as well. What would be the magic number for an egg donor? Thirty? Were you sure of your reproductive future and emotional attachments at age 30? I was closer to my line of thinking now, but not having been a mother yet, the concept was still quite technical rather than emotional.
Regardless, a signed agreement is a signed agreement. And if you donate your eggs and agree to never let the future child(ren) learn about your existence, then that's what you have to do.
Without young donors many people would be childless, and I would never advocate a reversal of progress. And while it's possible that young sperm donors face these issues as well, that process is much more simple than the harvesting of eggs, and perhaps more easily forgettable.
I'm mostly just relieved that I never decided to donate my eggs, because I know I would want to know who came after. And I know I would have signed anything when I was too young to understand the complexities of motherhood.
Would you be an egg donor?
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Comments 11
I don't think age matters. People focus to much on age. That being said, I have thought about being an egg donor before, multiple times before. I have an aunt who can't have children and saw how hard it was for her and I have always felt the want to help those who can't have children and I saw donating eggs as a wonderful way to help, I still do. The reason I haven't done it is because I know how emotional it would be for me. Unlike you that is the first thing I thought about. The questions like "Will there be a little girl out there that looks like me?", "Will the child know about me even if they can never know me?", "Can I handle knowing there are children out there that are in a biological perspective, mine?" and then of course wondering what the likliness of someday one of my donated eggs being a boy that meets my daughter. I know that's a long stretch, but what would happen and how would anyone know? I want to help families who can't have children of their own, but I don't know if I could handle always having those questions in the back of my mind.
If I qualified the be an egg donor I would in a heartbeat. I am over weight so i cannot do it! I have children of my own and do not feel any emotional attachment to my eggs. i know without sperm they are just eggs. Without donating them I lose atleast one a month, I have fraternal twins, so some months I lose two. My only concern with it is the fact that females only have so many eggs, unknown. I think donors should have to be mothers already. I know going into the process they tell you the possibilities of losing eggs, but at 20 and with the $5000+ paycheck, the thought of not being able to produce later is most likely not there!
YES!!! I would!! My husband and I plan to have one more child and then as I will still be well under 30, we have discussed it and I plan to donate my eggs. I can't imagine something greater than giving someone the joy of becoming a parent :)
I would donate eggs if they had let me. Its an egg. I have emotional attachments to the children I produced, not the eggs. Otherwise I'd have to have a funeral with every period.
I would definitely become an egg donor