New Mom Secret: I Don't Love My Husband

It's hard being a new mom (or even an experienced mom to a new baby) and sometimes we do things we know we shouldn't, despite what all the experts say. But this is a safe place to share your secrets (PM me)—we'll never tell.

This Week's Secret:


My husband and I got married a little older. We were both 35 and we decided to have kids right away because of our age. We went from single with no kids to married with two kids within a 2-year period and now it's official: I don't really like him. I'm not sure I ever did. I think we may have gotten married just to have these kids, but I love my kids and he is good to them, so I really don't see myself leaving. We don't even fight. We just don't like each other that much. But I'm only 38 years old. Do I really have to live the rest of my days with a man I don't love? — Anonymous

This is a very interesting situation and I'm sorry you're finding yourself in it. Without being in the relationship, it's almost impossible to give solid advice or say if what you're feeling is true or normal.

Having two kids is really stressful and my husband and I are often (very often) at each other's throats, but then we come back together in the evening, cuddle up, laugh about the day, and remember how in love we are. If you're just in a mood, that is one thing. If you think you loved him once and don't now, that is another that can also be worked on.

What made you lose the spark? Having two kids? If that's the case, more date nights and time alone might help. Can you take a weekend away without the kids? Marriage counseling also sounds like it's in order.

Without experience in your personal situation, it's hard to advise, but certainly there must be others out there who have felt this. If divorce is the best option, there are also ways to make that easier on children so you don't have to stay miserable.

Do you have any advice for this mom?


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