New Mom Secret: I Never Want Sex

Sasha Brown-Worsham

It's hard being a new mom (or even an experienced mom to a new baby) and sometimes we do things we know we shouldn't, despite what all the experts say. But this is a safe place to share your secrets -- we won't tell.

This Week's Secret:

My doctor told me I could have sex when I was about three weeks postpartum. I'd had an easy birth and he had made an exception to the usual six-week rule. I never told my husband this. When six weeks rolled around, I told him my doctor said no. Now it's six months later and I still never want sex. Every couple weeks, I grin and bear it, but I don't enjoy it and I never want it. I often tell my husband it hurts, but I actually just don't want it. Is this terrible? -- Anonymous

It takes a long time to get back into a sexual groove after having a baby. Obviously some have it easier and want sex sooner, but most are closer to you, I'd say. We want our husbands to be happy, but all the changes in our body and life aren't conducive to wanting to get hot and heavy.

It's OK.

Just try being honest about your feelings. Things have changed. Your body is totally different, your needs and your priorities have shifted. Six months is not a lot of time to figure it all out.

If you want to make sex a priority, try to masturbate and get to know your body again. Watch things that make you feel sexy and dress up when you can. Those little reminders that your body isn't just a milk and baby machine do go a long way to reigniting a sex drive.

On the other hand, it has only been a few months. It can take many moms a year or more to reestablish who they are sexually. Don't beat yourself about it. Just communicate openly.

Do you have advice for this mom?


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