You get these big, awesome boobs while you are pregnant and breastfeeding -- the cleavage almost makes up for the four bags of Reese’s cups you put away each week. And then you are done with all the fun stuff, and sanity has been restored to your food choices. And your boobs ... well, they’re just not the same, are they?
They just deflate, like a balloon, sagging, leaving behind stretch marks, weirdly textured skin, and countless other changes.
What do you do?
1. Nothing. You can’t remove stretch marks without the aid of a laser, and you can’t wave a wand and re-inflate them. So you do nothing and be okay with that.
2. Try expensive serums. For about $50 (sometimes more) you can buy a teensy, tiny, minuscule amount of serum which, if used properly every day, promises to reshape and tighten breast skin, providing a lift. Might not be recommended if you aren't into slathering your body with chemicals.
3. Get a boob massage. Some claim that breast massage will help restore the muscle tone, bringing everything back to normal. Truth is, your breasts are fatty tissue, not muscle, and massage can’t remold fatty tissue. Thought it may feel nice.
4. Opt for plastic surgery. Cosmetic surgeons are just rabid about wanting to “fix” your boobs. And it's true, they can. They can re-inflate them with implants, solve the sagging with a lift, and laser off your stretch marks. But a boob job is major surgery, requiring serious recovery and has potential side effects.
5. Buy fabulous bras. The perfect bra makes all the difference. Go for a fitting and then buy some really good bras (make sure that at least one is ridiculously sexy).
6. Seek out fabulous men. Hopefully you already have one, because they sure are expensive. Your guy should be just as smitten about your post-baby boobs as he was before. He should look at you and be absolutely giddy at the thought of gaining access.
Image via Bobster855/Flickr