10 Signs You Are a Hypochondriac Mama

Sasha Brown-Worsham

In the last few months my babies have had Easter Equine Encephalitis, Attention Deficit Disorder, massive head injuries, and broken bones ... in my head.

I am a hypochondriac mama and if you have ever felt the need to check your baby's temperature every three hours, you may be one, too. Luckily I have a patient, loving pediatrician who understands I am neurotic and allows me to speak my paranoia.

This way I don't feel dumb for calling her at 2 a.m. because my baby threw up or bumped his head on the crib slats. They know me well.

Here are 10 signs you may be a hypochondriac mama, too:

  1. You've lied about your baby's temperature: You know that in order to get an appointment faster, your baby has to have a 103-degree temperature, so you waste no time explaining the truth (that it's only 100.4). After all, what is three degrees when your baby's health is at stake?
  2. You tie symptoms together that happened weeks apart: Your baby bumped his head on Friday and puked on Wednesday. Clearly that means he has a concussion, right?
  3. You make your children take their temperature rectally: You know your baby is too old for rectal temps, but every degree counts and you want to know it to the decimal point.
  4. Any temperature over 99 degrees is panic time: You don't want to freak, but if it ain't 98.6, it ain't healthy.
  5. You run to the ER when you hear a thud "just in case": Just because you don't see your baby hit his head or any sign that he did doesn't mean you shouldn't visit the pediatrician.
  6. Your co-pays are $600 a month: Better safe than sorry you always say, but your flex spending account sees a lot of action thanks to your weekly ER visits.
  7. You secretly sussed out your pediatrician's home phone and keep it "just in case": Your pediatrician keeps it under lock and key, but that hasn't stopped you.
  8. You plan to puree your baby's food well into their fourth year: Again with the better safe than sorry. Your baby may have teeth and know how to chew, but you aren't taking any chances.
  9. Every corner in your home is padded: You can't baby-proof the world, but you would love to try.
  10. You have poison control on speed dial on your cell phone: It's one thing to keep the magnet on your fridge. It's another to program the number into all your cell phones.

If you're a hypochondriac mom, never fear. You are in good company. Be proud! Neurotic is the new "in" thing to be.

Are you paranoid about your baby's health?


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