Baby Fever Is Contagious! Protect Your Friends!

Amy Keyishian
5

Sleeping Baby
Look out! He's catching!
According to a Swedish study, baby fever is real -- and it spreads faster than pinkeye at a nursery school. Here’s the bottom line: if your co-worker has a baby, you’re 11 percent more likely to have one yourself within the next one to two years.

Ladies, we are powerful. And it’s up to us to keep our fever from infecting those starry-eyed babes who might not be as ready as they think. It’s up to us to test them by exposing them to experiences that will act as birth control to all but the most determined mommies-to-be!

Will they still get baby fever when they see …

  • The spit-up that gets not just on the sheets, but the comforter cover -- and the fact that after the first couple times, you give up and leave the stains there 'til the baby’s weaned?
  • Your sitzbath?
  • The donut you need if you’re going to sit on the good dining room chairs?
  • Infant poop?
  • Toddler poop?
  • Meconium???
  • A diaper blowout?
  • An honest-to-goodness meltdown-y tantrum?
  • The Nosefrida in action?
  • Your abdominal muscles?
  • The shoes you had to give away after your second pregnancy?
  • Your underwear after you laugh too hard or sneeze?
  • Your roots, your nails, and oy, gott in himmel, your toenails?

Most of all, if you want to keep your friends childless, shield them at all costs from the sight of a toddler curled up in her bed with her tush in the air, her little feet tucked under her, and her 10 toes peeking out like little round petals on a flower, or the feeling of pushing her sweaty hair off her forehead and watching her stir and roll over, clutching her beloved Elmo even in her sleep, or the sound of her deep, deep breaths and the way they calm you even after the most frantic day.

Oh. Crap. I seem to have quite a case of the fever myself. Maybe I’m not the one to take this on.

What do you think would make the best situational birth control for your single friends? Tell us in the comments!



Image from All4my3boys/CafeMom

 

Read More