15 Signs You're an Economom

kid for saleThe United States' poverty rate is up and while that may be news to some (Zuckerberg, Oprah, that ex-friend with no kids and a rich husband -- aka bitch), it isn't news to moms. Most moms I know feel the squeezing of the bank account with every contraction. Everything a kid needs costs a lot. Everything you need to keep them happy costs a lot. Everything you need to keep you happy costs a lot, too. Like cocktails, shopping sprees, a weekend away, Xanax.

So instead of getting pissy, let's get economic. Okay, get pissy first, then let's find ways to pinch pennies. Really frugal things. Or ways to make money. Insanely dangerous money-making ideas. Here are 15 ominous signs you are an economom.

  1. Your kid is wearing a onesie that says "Millennium Baby" and she was born 6 months ago.
  2. You're still wearing your maternity underwear. The ones you stole from the hospital.
  3. You cloth diaper against your better wishes.
  4. You learned your crib was recalled ... in 1997. But don't worry, it's you who is sleeping in it, not your kid.
  5. You're considering fostering children just for the money.
  6. You order from the children's menu and tell the waitress that your kid is hungry if she questions you.
  7. Your kid has the bigger bedroom and by bigger I mean the only bedroom. You sleep on the couch.
  8. Your makeup and perfume collection is actually samples from magazines you tore out from the doctor's office.
  9. You breastfeed even though you hate every second and you use the milk for your coffee, too.
  10. You wish you could sell your eggs but you are too old so you steal your much younger friend's ID and try to get away with it anyway.
  11. You're considering pimping your child out to the world of modeling.
  12. You've questioned how much American babies go for in China.
  13. You've left your child at a day care that you don't belong to so you can go on a job interview and then pretend you dropped him off at the wrong place upon pickup.
  14. Your kids have a lemonade stand and the drinks are laced with drugs that make people instantly hand over their wallets.
  15. Your child is wearing a sticker that says $1500 OBO at your yard sale.

Are you an economom? How many of these can you relate to?


Image via sidewalk flying/Flickr

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