Who's Afraid of the Baby Clothes Bandit? Not Me

Sasha Brown-Worsham

My husband and I cannot throw things away.

I'm currently sitting in our basement staring at two 4- x 2-foot tubs full of baby clothing from both of our children who have outgrown everything in them.

Our 1,000-square-foot condo is full of things to which we have attached sentimental value. Things like whisks and blue plates of unknown origin, random old electronics, and shoe boxes we "might use someday."

In short, we are one old Papasan chair away from being featured on A&E's Hoarders. So, when I saw on a police blotter in Montgomery, Alabama, that a man had stolen $300 worth of baby clothing, I wished he'd come to our house instead.

Yes, he damaged a screen door, but besides that, it sounds like a great deal. My husband and I lack the strength to toss this stuff ourselves, so a robber would solve all of our problems. What's a little damage to a screen door compared to a decluttered home?

These two tubs of baby clothing are in fairly decent condition, but every time I go to donate them or give them to a friend, I remember my daughter's tiny baby body in them and I can't bear to see them go. She's now almost five times the size she was when we brought her home from the hospital, and some of the clothing would barely fit on her baby dolls, but I still can't bear to give it away.

If someone broke into our home and stole those things, it wouldn't be our fault. We wouldn't have made the decision!

It's genius, really. And while I would prefer that he leave our computers, TV, and dog alone, he's welcome to all of our crappy baby CDs, any old batteries he stumbles upon in our "junk drawers," all plastic toys that make noise of any kind, Mylar balloons from parties that were held a month ago, the rain cover for our single stroller, and all used diapers.

He cannot, however, have the train table (my son loves that) or the detangling spray or any of the bath toys that my kids love (this does not include the submarine, which sprays water upward -- that he may take).

I strongly support this idea of a clutter thief. It's like a cross between Robin Hood and a personal cleaning crew.

What are some things you can't let go of?

Image via nateOne/Flickr

Read More